Always Putting Others First? Try This Now

Intro: Marie Forleo:

We're all witnessing tragic, heartbreaking events happening at an ever-quickening pace. I would often feel a desire and a need to wanna help and to want to rescue taking care of others and, and rescuing or fixing that was not my responsibility. Appreciate the gift of this moment and being alive.

Marie:

What's up everybody? It's Marie Forleo and welcome to another episode of the Marie Forleo podcast and MarieTV. The place to be to create a business and a life that you love. Yes, you do. And today is Q&A Tuesday.

And today's question comes from Leaine. 

Leaine:

So I'm a bookkeeper from New Zealand. I live in a rural area in the, North Island. And we've had significant climatic events here, which has been basically catastrophic.

So my question is when and as a giver of help, which bookkeepers are fabulous at doing, and we're often the at the first, you know, the first responder, for small business owners, how do we look after ourselves as well as being able to be the best possible helper that we can be? And, because these events affect us as well. That's my question.

Marie: 

Absolutely. First of all, I'm so sorry for what you and your community is experiencing. I can only imagine how difficult that is. And as a helper, it is extra difficult when you are experiencing that yourself and you are a person who is providing support and direction and receiving all of, not only that information but that energy. So I can appreciate that.

So there's three things I wanna share with you. One is a practice that is easier said than done, but it has helped me a lot in my career. 'cause very often, I am interacting with folks that are going through something really, really intense, and I wanna be there as much as humanly possible in the best way that I possibly can to support that person. And it's a simple phrase, and it goes like this: Observe, don't absorb. Meaning to be there as a presence and as a witness to fully see what another person is experiencing, but to really step away from taking on the energy as your own energy or feeling a sense of responsibility for it. 

I don't know if this is true for you, but it was certainly true for me at many different points in my life where anytime there was a challenge, I would often feel a desire and a need from a very good place to wanna help and to wanna step in and to want to rescue or do anything in my power to take care of the other person. And again, of course, that's coming from a very beautiful place, but for me, I found there was an imbalance in it because taking care of others and, and rescuing or fixing it was like, that was not my responsibility.

And I'm not saying that from a cold way. I'm saying that, that I'm not that important. My presence is important, my compassion is important, my willingness to, to be there with an open heart and listen and receive and really see and acknowledge someone that's oftentimes what many of us need.

Leaine: 

Absolutely. 

Marie: 

And to observe. Yeah. Not absorb. Again, it's a practice. It's definitely not something I get perfectly, but I just wanted to share that with you because it's been really, really helpful for me. 

Leaine: 

I really like that. I think it's that whole being able to pause as well and just what is gonna be the best use of my energy? How do I be in the best space and, and do the best things to be able to provide that support? So yeah, that's great.

Marie: 

That's right. And so there's two more things I wanna share too, just as possibilities, as offerings for you as you continue to move ahead. And I think for all of us, the earth is all of our homes, and we're all witnessing these incredibly tragic, heartbreaking events happening at an ever-quickening pace. And we're going to feel things, and we're gonna feel things a lot more. And it's, it's honestly good that we feel things because hopefully, it is awakening somewhat of a higher consciousness for all of us to change some of our ways. So we don't wanna separate from that or dismiss that.

And at the same time, we have to find that balance to be able to keep showing up and to be healthy. Which leads me into the second thing I wanted to share with you, which was making sure that you also find time and create time and protect time to prioritize your own joy and your own movement and your own ability to feel and to be and to experience things that really, really, really make you happy. 

Because in addition to all the challenging things that are happening and that you're facing and that you're supporting your clients with, we also have to find the beauty every single day and be able to appreciate the gift of this moment and being alive. And whether it's flowers or it's music, or it's a simple meal, or it's anything Leaine that brings you genuine, pure joy, I want you to make sure that you are prioritizing that because that in and of itself is healing for not only you and your energy, but that joy, that vibrational grounding is going to have an unspoken impact on your clients as well. So that was point number two. 

Leaine: 

Totally. Yes, totally agree with that. So while I was waiting for this call this morning, beautiful sunrise. We live quite high up. Beautiful. It's gonna be a lovely day. I'm gonna go and walk my dog after this, which will be a good kind of, so, and I… I often with clients and also with, the, the other bookkeepers that I tend to connect with and support, you know, that's a big thing.

They'll, you'll, they'll sort of say, oh, I haven't been. There's so much going on. I haven't been to the gym for a month. And I normally go every day and I'm like, get back there. Even if you start once a week again, get those regular, normal routines in place. So yeah, I, that's really resonating, and I think it is the little things. So for me, it's nature. It's a bit of fresh air, or it's a bit of laughter.

Marie: 

Yes. Yeah, me too. And then the final thing I wanted to offer, and this is just an invitation, it may or may not resonate for you, but it has really helped me a lot in my life, especially when there have been really difficult situations, and I was cognizant of the fact that I was not able to do much, but I felt a lot. I think that the power of prayer for another person, however, that looks or shapes for you.

So for me, it is really being still asking with humility for peace and grace and strength and comfort on behalf of someone else has, for me, you know, some of the books that I've read and some of the things that I check out, there's a lot of scientific research behind the power of prayer, especially when it is directed at others. And even if someone's like, no, that's a sham, whatever. All I know is that it makes me feel really good. It makes me feel really connected, and it makes me feel energetically as though I'm doing something more than just words or hoping that another human being is gonna be okay. But putting my energetic resonance and a humble request on their behalf really means a lot.

Leaine: 

Oh, totally. So, yes, I, I've grown up in a, in a Catholic…big Catholic family, I'm the oldest of seven. And, you do cart some of that around with you. And I totally get what you're saying there because that, I think, just that collective power of thought as well, and that really conscious effort of directing your energy.

And I find too, when people pop into your mind and you think, oh yeah, I need to, you really need to act on that, where someone's popped in because they… they might not be having such a great day, and those things happen, you know, you can't explain it. So I think tapping into that spiritual part of it, and I think it's just more that really genuine connection with people as well, that you're pausing or you're listening properly, or you're just being there. Yeah. So no, I get it. Big time. That's brilliant. Thank you. Yeah.

Marie: 

Yes. Uh, so I will be holding you and your whole community and my prayers for sure. And I just wanna thank you so much for your beautiful question because, you know, we love all kinds of questions here on MarieTV, and just the fact that you were asking, like really on behalf of like, wow, I am a big support of my community right now. And, and there's a lot of challenges. It just speaks so much to who you are as a human being and a soul. And so thank you, thank you for being YOU! 

Leaine: 

Thank you! And for all the great work that you do and, yeah. It's, it's really inspiring. So, and, and we're all, we're all on this journey, you know, we're all just trying to be the best we can be. 

Marie: 

We on the spaceship together. 

Leaine: 

Yeah.

Marie: 

That’s right! We're on this earthship together. Yeah. We gotta take care of our… of each other and, and hopefully it. So have a beautiful walk with your pups and keep us posted on how everything goes. 

Leaine: 

Thank you so much, much love. Thank you.

Marie: 

Oh my goodness, how beautiful was that conversation? I'm curious, what's the biggest insight or aha that came out of that for you? And most importantly, how can you turn that into action starting right now? 'cause it'll make a difference in your life. Leave a comment below and let me know.

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Until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your big dreams because the world really does need that very, very special gift that only you have.

Thank you so much for watching. Love you so much, and I'll see you next time.