How to Stop Feeling Lost & Discover Your Unique Purpose with Jim Murphy

When you were playing pro baseball and you were living a dream that I think so many people chase, even if they don't or didn't want to ever be a pro athlete. It's that version of making it right to the big time. Talk about that time and how life circumstances kind of showed you the door to let go of what a society approved version of success supposed to look like.

Yeah. My dream was always to be a superstar Major League Baseball player or playing the NFL like AJ Brown or or NBA. And so, getting drafted by the Chicago Cubs was a dream come true. But as soon as you have a, you know, you're launching onto your dream just like you and the new York Stock Exchange.

There's like, the fear of, I, like, am I doing the right thing for you? Maybe. And then for me, it was like the fear of losing it. Like, this is my dream. You know? I can't lose this. Yeah. And then I got injured and I did lose it, and I felt like I lost everything. I lost my identity and lost my hope.

I lost my life. Really? And so it was. It was a really tough time. I played minor league baseball for five years in the Cub system for three. And, yeah, it was it was, it was a struggle. I had a, challenge with my vision. I lost my my dynamic visual acuity. So I was no longer able to track the moving object coming at me at 90 plus miles an hour.

And so, you know, it's hard to hit a baseball like that. And so I my career is over. And then I got asked to coach a high school baseball team in inner city Seattle. That was I was driving a truck for Fedex and had no interest in coaching, never coach before and never thought about it. And then, we went undefeated and I had a great time.

So then the question was, how do I go from coaching 1516 year olds to coaching in the major leagues? And, you know, for the Yankees and winning the World Series? So I, I go to grad school and my plan was to get a master's in physics so I can get a job teaching P.E. to pay the bills, coach the high school team, win a championship, and then get a job in university.

Do the same thing. And then in grad school, I met this guy in, as a personal trainer. I was a personal trainer to pay for school. And because after university I was going to get a job in the pros and, you know, make my way up to the to the big leagues. And, he said, let's go for a job right out of grad school with the major league team by getting to know the people that can hire you.

So I sent a snail mail letter to every major league GM and field manager, and I said, I'm doing my master's on how to build a championship team. And I'd like to interview you in person. And so I sent out, 60 letters, one, one to every two to every team. And then I got a job with the Texas Rangers two weeks after graduation.

Wow. I like that hustle. And I like that focus. Yeah. And so take us on from there. What was that job? Yeah. And I think that that's something that anyone can do. And I was I never would have done that had I not had a coach saying, Jim you can do this. Because I was like, who's going to talk to me?

I'm nobody. And he said, no, they will you get you got to believe. And one thing that he told me that was really helpful, he said, you have to realize that it's going to take, on average 12 rejections to get through. And that number just really helped me. I was like, okay, 1 or 2 rejections. It's not going to slow me down.

Right. And so, anyone can do that. If you have a dream, like you can talk to someone who's who's a leader in your field and all you need is one because she'll introduce you or she'll introduce you to the next person and she'll introduce you to next. And that's what happened to me. And so I end up, interviewing 39 major league managers and GM and coaches, and then I get a job with the Texas Rangers two weeks after graduation.

So we skip the high school and college route. Wow. And so it was a dream come true. Now I've got an identity again. I'm I'm Jim Murphy, somebody Jim Murphy, pro baseball player was somebody. And then I lose it. I'm Jim Murphy. Nobody in my mind. And now okay I'm Jim Murphy. Somebody again I've got this identity. And then it wasn't a good fit.

I leave halfway through the season in tears. How quick? It's just, pro baseball, minor league baseball. There's there's a lot of egos. And with not just players, but with coaches and and, two coaches almost going to fistfight in front of me because one of the, coaches talked to one of the other coaches players. And, and I guess he didn't like that.

And I just was not really allowed to coach. They said, we just want you to kind of watch and listen and and not say anything. And I just wasn't really ready for that. And it just there's so many things. And I thought I was a total failure. Yeah. Because I thought this is the, the best possible life and I'm going to live it.

And I always thought I'm destined for something great. And I thought it was going to be a superstar. And I always think of it as, I'm going to make millions of dollars. I'm going to be on the cover of magazines, hitting home runs or catching touchdowns in the Super Bowl, and every guy's going to want to be me.

Every girl is going to want to be with me. It's going to be the best possible life, and I'm going to live it. And then so then I'm kind of on my way and I get drafted by the Cubs. And then it was just a real struggle with my vision. And I really struggled for five years. And then, I lose it.

So I then I kind of lose everything in my mind, and then I get the job of the Texas Rangers and I'm like, okay, I'm back on my my path. Jim Murphy, pro baseball player, is actually supposed to be Jim Murphy, pro baseball coach. That's the destiny. Okay, now we've got this, this new track, and then I lose that.

And then I'm like, now I'm nobody again. I'm just as lost as I was before. Yeah. And then so I go back to my parents house and I'm like, I don't know, 30 years old. You're probably. Let me interrupt for a moment. Are you having those conversations? Like WTF? Maybe friends, colleagues? You don't. I mean, they're moving on having like, real life happening.

Oh yeah. Success. And here you are failing once again. Yeah. In fact, I, at one point I thought about becoming a firefighter. Yeah. And this is exactly what you're saying. So many of my my, you know, peers, they have good jobs and they're, they're buying houses and having kids. And I've got no money. You know, I was a graduate student and then a minor league baseball player, and it's like the poorest person there is.

And so, yeah, I was really like this missing out. I'm like, what am I doing with my life? And and so it was it was tough. And is that when you decided to go to the desert? Because one of the other things I loved, in your book and in your story, not only you going to the desert so we can talk about that, but also about your great grandfather.

And it feels like there is some legacy in there who also lost everything when the system that he was in collapsed for. You can tie those two together. That would be great. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So, what happened after after, I go back to LA with my parents. I get a call from Major League Baseball and said, would you like to coach South Africa and be their hitting coach for their Olympic trials?

So I fly to South Africa now. I thought, they're calling me. I was wondering, are they calling me because I would be based in Johannesburg, which at the time was one of the most dangerous cities in the world. And so I thought, are they calling me because I said, no, but but I went and it was extraordinary experience.

I had full control over the hitters and just the opposite of with Texas and, I'd never seen real poverty before. And our bat boy was living in the tool shed of our baseball field with his mother and little brother, and his name was gift and Group. And he actually went on to play in the big leagues.

And, it's incredible story if you if you Google gift and goop. It was with the pirates. And so that experience with, with South Africa, the Olympic trials was so amazing. We went on to we swept the Olympic trials, we went on to the Olympics. I got to meet Nelson Mandela. Martin opening ceremonies. We had one of the biggest upset victories in Olympic baseball history.

The experience with the Olympics was extraordinary. And, and then after the Olympics, what am I going to do with my life now? So, I kind of burned the bridge with pro baseball. Leaving in the middle of the season. And what am I going to do next? And then so I went back to being a personal trainer and, and then about three years later, my girlfriend at the time was like, Jim, what are you doing with your life?

I know you're you're restless. And, about the same time, I get a call from my teammate, my former teammate and pro baseball. And and his name was Ricky. And he said, I'm building a, baseball academy in Tucson, Arizona. Can you come down and help me launch it? So I end up going there? I said, what if I move down there and help you part time?

And I went there to go live a life of solitude. And so I, I realized that I really needed to make some. I was kind of like, what am I doing for my life? And I always had this vision and, and I think this is something that everyone can really, should really grasp is that, there's so much more possible for you than you can see.

There's no way you can see what's possible in your life. You haven't met the people that you're going to, that you're going to meet, and you don't know what God knows. And so, don't limit yourself to your past, which is what I've done most of my life. And what most people do is they look at their past and they're trying.

So what can I go from here? Yeah. And that's a big mistake. I realized that if I stay in Vancouver, B.C., where I was living, everyone was going to tell me, you've got a great life, Tim. Your clients love you and it's great. Why would you leave? And I couldn't I realized I can't afford to have people think about me and hold me back.

Like they're going to think about my past and I need to go get away from everything. So that's why I went to the desert to live this life of solitude. And it was. It was fairly unique, I guess. I mean, I gave away over half my possessions, including my TV, at a time when TV was kind of when you watched everything and, one of my first New Year's, I because I wasn't really dating and I wasn't socializing, and I just wanted to to figure out my life.

And one of my first New Year's, I hear a noise. I'm in my house alone, and I go outside and I see fireworks. And that's when I knew it was near zero. I had no idea what did was. And so I was like, whoa, oh my gosh, it's New Year's Eve. And so like, what am I doing here?

So crazy. And everyone's back home having fun and I'm by myself in this empty house. And so it was, it was lonely and maybe a little crazy. But what came from that is I decided that, I wanted to be a personal coach to pro baseball players and teach them how to have peace and confidence under pressure. My first two clients did amazing, and so I thought, I'm going to put together a little manual for future clients and how to do this.

And so I had all that experience interviewing Major League Baseball managers and GM's. And so I decided to call a sports psychologist and ask him, how can an Olympic athlete train for four years for an event that may last less than a minute and have peace and confidence with so much out of your control? And similarly, how can a, Major League Baseball player game seven of the World Series.

Bottom of the ninth. Two outs, full count, bases loaded down by one. How can that guy have peace and confidence? And, just brought a lot more questions and answers. So I, I call another psychologist and I call another and another. And I spent five years full time, like 50, 60 hours a week, five year straight writing this book.

And I didn't set out to write the book. I set out to take 2 or 3 weeks to put together a manual for my clients, and then it just started getting more and more. And then, and then I decided to turn into a book. Yeah. And so that's how that kind of I love you wrote. There was one insight that changed everything for you.

And that it was the same insight that you realized up until that point. You've been playing the wrong game but didn't know it. And so you wrote the pursuit of extraordinary performance in the pursuit of the best possible life are the same. What does that mean? Because I think for many of us, when we think about the notion of high performance, whether it's in the context of the Olympics or, pro sports or even as an executive or CEO or, you know, any level where, like, I'm going to be the best, you know what I mean?

I'm going to kick everyone's ass and I'm going to be number one. And then you think about, I want to live a joyful, contented, meaningful, engaged life. Those two things, somehow, for most of us, at least for me, can seem at odds. Right? Like one's this hyper aggressive type a win at all cost kind of ethos or mentality, where the other feels could be somewhat passive and meditative and go with the flow.

So tell me about that insight, because I it was one of the first times I was like, oh, interesting. Which made me want to keep reading more. Yeah, it was it was a very big, realization when I was in the desert. So kind of the way it worked out was I realized that first the book was just really I want to put together a manual on mental toughness, and I wanted to make it the best in the world.

And, there was no thoughts of peace and joy or anything like that is just poise under pressure, mental toughness. That's all I set out to figure out. Yeah. And then so one thing that happened was I realized because I wanted to find something that I could devote my life to, that I was willing to live and die for.

And I realized that if I spend all my time devoting my life to helping someone win a gold medal or b be world number one, and they're not even, peaceful, didn't get many joy or they're just bitter or anything like that. Like, what did I do? Was it even a good thing? Right? And I realized, like, that's not really something great to devote yourself.

It's like I talked to a coach one time and she said she's really good at helping people advance in their careers. And I said, that's amazing. What if you help them advance in their career to something that they're really, really good at, but it gives them incredible anxiety and, it doesn't really enhance their inner world. Like, is that a good thing you did for them?

Now they're making millions of dollars, and yet they didn't become a better person and they don't have more peace and joy. And so I started to think about that, and I realized that, I didn't want to help someone become really successful if it didn't really impact the world in a positive way. And then that's that's when the realization came to me and God shared it with me, and it was just so powerful for me.

It really changed the focus of my life. Yeah. Was like, what you said is that the path to having the most poise and confidence under the most pressure, and there's so many people that have more pressure than pro athletes. Like because pro athletes have an offseason, they have coaches, massage therapists, and the average person does not have that.

Yeah. And so the path to having the most peace and confidence and then under the most pressure is the same path as having the best possible life and the best possible life. I define is having a life filled with deep contentment and joy and confidence, or a life filled with love and joy and peace and patience and goodness and faithfulness and, self-control.

This that's the best possible life. Because why does anyone want to be like, have the superstardom of Marie Forleo or be a CEO or be AJ Brown? Why does anyone want that? It's not because they want to take $1 million and put it in their bathtub and roll around in the paper. It's because they think it's they're going to buy a nice house with it.

And then that house, they're going to have dinner parties and then those dinner parties, people are going to have this great time and you're going to feel really good, or you're going to fly to Europe, or you're going to fly to America, and you're going to feel really great, and you have these great experiences. That's why they want this success.

And so interaction says, hey, let's go for that directly, right. Let's go for training your inner world, which is your heart. Your heart and subconscious working together that is running your life. So let's get your heart in a place where you can have this inner strength, where no matter there's so much craziness in the world right now and so much fear and things out of our control, that you can go out into the world in strength.

If your inner world has that inner peace and inner strength. And similarly, it doesn't matter how many millions of followers you have, how much money you have, if your inner world is in turmoil and filled with anxiety, you go out into the world in weakness. And it doesn't matter how many people are worshiping you or saying you're the greatest, that's that's your life.

And so I just my message is, I want people to know that there is a better way to live, and you don't have to get caught up in your circumstances. And if you have a purpose beyond yourself, and if you learn that selfless is fearless, that fear comes from focusing on and myself and what's going to happen to me and love is the antidote because there's no fear in love.

And if you have a purpose in your life that that can make the world a better place, even if you're not very good at it, it doesn't matter. Your skills at it. If you focus on that purpose every day, then you can develop that inner strength and that that peace and joy. Yeah, I loved that. And I loved in the book, the biggest obstacle we face in performance and life is self-centeredness.

So let's talk about how that preoccupation with self, because I've seen that and I've talked about it in my own way. People will often ask me like, hey, Marie, you know, you seem so natural on camera or anything like that, or if I'm on a stage and you know, that doesn't mean I get so filled with anxiety, you know, and all the different things before that, I said.

But the one thing that usually helps me if I take the attention off of me and I'm just completely about whether it is what I'm there to share or connecting or playing or somehow emotionally having that tissue connectivity and joy be emitted. And I loved that that you wrote how self obsession, not your words, but self-centeredness and preoccupation with ourselves narrows our vision, and it replaces curiosity and excitement with fear and anxiety.

Can you talk a little bit about the difference between like, self-centeredness and self-awareness, just to give us it's important to to know that that self-centeredness is the default way of living. And it's it's not. I'm not saying that, everybody is selfish, like in a negative way. In fact, when you're afraid of what people think of you, that's what I'm saying is self-centeredness.

It's it's like you can have a really compassionate heart and be concerned about others. And like, I hope everyone's going to be okay. And and that can be very self-centered because it's it's this whenever you're thinking about what will people think about me or even, they can even get into, well, how will, if I do this, what's going to happen to them?

And it can this focus on self can create a lot of anxiety. And so if you think about the best times when, whether you're on the trading floor or AJ Brown is on the, football field where anyone is performing when they're at their best, in my experience, in the last several decades, is that there's very few thoughts and very few thoughts of self.

In fact, the best performance is there's no thoughts of self. It's completely, selfless. So when when we're performing our best, there's it's this, this vibe that there's, there's really no past and future. You're totally caught in the moment. It's like great art. Like, this is a beautiful art studio. It's kind of feels like that. And so when you're in great, you see great art.

What happens to the viewer? The viewer is not thinking about themselves, right? Whether it's a book, a movie, a dance, a dance. Yeah. You lose you. There's no thoughts of self. You're not even thinking about the artist. You're just caught up in the moment. Right? And that's that's what's possible for all of us is to get more caught up in that moment.

And what takes it away is, is way too many thoughts from way too many concerns. That's what anxiety is. And so what we need to do is we need to narrow it all down. We have to. The only way you're going to have way less thoughts, which is less anxiety, is you have to narrow your life down to one guiding purpose.

And it's got to be a purpose beyond yourself. Because if it's just, you know, I want to be, world number one or I want to be a CEO, that's just a goal and that's great. Goals are great, but a purpose is something that you can do independent of circumstances. Like even if you're in prison, you could live this way.

So my purpose is to share God's love, wisdom and courage with with athletes and leaders and around the world, but with, with really with everybody. And so, narrowing your life down to that one purpose can really, be the path of love that makes you fearless. Let's talk about affluenza and that virus. I thought it was so wonderful.

Like that whole section in the book. Why is it so dangerous? Like, what is it? And how does affluenza kind of relate to the power of setting, you know, and achieving goals in business, sports and life? Because I think those two can coexist. And I'm so curious to hear your perspective on it. Yeah. So affluenza this, this virus that, that, I talk about in the book is there's five aspects to it, to it.

There's the possessions, achievements, lux money and status. Yes. And so, it's really one of the biggest challenges that we face in this culture that's obsessed about these things. And kind of the epicenter of that is our phone. And so it's interesting. Last couple weeks, I wrote in my journal, what is God telling me right now? And, the first answer was, your phone is, it's dictating your imagination.

Not in a good way. And so, a week later, last week, what is God telling you right now? And it said my I wrote in the journal that said, my phone is tumbling. My heart, it's like, gripped my heart and it's like it's got control. And I was like, because that's what I was feeling is like my phone is really I've been kind of addicted to it, even though my, my, kind of strategy on my phone is maybe a little bit unique than other people.

The ringer is always off. I don't get any notifications except for texts. So if someone calls, me too, by the way. Okay. Yeah, my brother just this morning, he's like, I can't ever get in touch with you. I was like, it's by design. Not for, you know, not to be, you know, so well, I am very sassy.

Let's just be real. But it's the same thing because I found, I'm so susceptible to it. Like, I actually just to be, you know, I reached out to, on Instagram, and it was like a commando mission. And my team knows this because I don't interact, you know what I mean? Like, I use it as a tool, just like if I if we were in a different time, I would have sent you, mail letter.

But I was, so I was like, I feel like Jim should be on our show. And I was like, let me just go. You know what I mean? Ask him. But that was the only reason I was in there. I actually spend no time on social for this exact reason. Yeah, that's so important. And I realize that that's really, something that that, if you want to have this life for a year, really?

Like I went to the desert to really get away from distractions. Yeah. And, the the athletic challenge. Yeah. And the affluenza virus, this, like, just that. And I love, by the way, that prompt. Will you say it one more time? Like when you journal what is what is it? What is God telling me right now? What is God telling me right now?

What is God telling you? I love that, I have a dear friend. I don't know if you're familiar. Elizabeth Gilbert. So she is a very famous magical human being and bestselling author and writer. And, she has this whole practice, which is around, different. But just asking, what does love want me to know? And I'm paraphrasing that, but it's so interesting because that prompt, I feel like there's a response, like there's a clear message that comes through.

Yes. And so I love that. So thank you for saying that. Back to affluenza. So possessions achievement looks money, status. You were recognizing that the phone was a source of your heart kind of tumbling. Keep going. Yeah. And so I realized that that's just the last couple of weeks I realize I need to make it is in fact, I just ordered a phone that has, internet, but only apps that don't scroll.

Yeah, and so, yeah, the owner just called me last night. Which one is that? Is that the sleek? It's like, oh, that's a new one. Because I remember there was one a few years ago that was almost like a beautiful. And I call it dumb phone. I'm using like little bunny ears for all those listening on the podcast, just because it was devoid.

It's like you could tell time, you could make phone calls. You know, I think you could listen to maybe music, but you could not do a bunch of other things. Yeah. I think, if you want to live an extraordinary life, you have to really. And one of the things that I told my friend is that, it wasn't a lack of discipline that I was getting.

The phone was. It was a lack of, It was my heart that was the issue. It's easy to think that that, you know, I just I just need to be more disciplined. And obviously, I think we've all thought that I just need to be more disciplined. And I realized that, well, yes, that's the case, but what's the solution?

The solution is not trying harder. The solution is is my heart. It's like, because I realized that for most of us, if you really make it your top priority, you can do whatever you want. You're going to go to the gym at 5 a.m. or whatever it is. If it's your top priority, yes. If it's not, you may not.

Right. But if you really set your heart. And so that's what I realized is, like, I need to make my priority, that, I'm not going to get so with the phones, it's making everybody like everyone else, we're kind of becoming homogenized. We're like, you kind of see more and more of what you've been seeing, and then you're becoming.

You have less creative thoughts and less able to make a positive impact on the world. And like I first got this from Tim Ferriss, four hour workweek, which is the low information diet. Yeah, absolutely. And so I want to I want to be ignorant of most things so I can really be wise about a few things, like things that are eternal, things that are important, that are really going to be, helpful and powerful.

So if you step out, if we are willing to see for ourselves and go, oh, where might I have the affluenza virus? Meaning I'm making all of these things primary possessions, achievement, looks, money, status, which we know are also very temporary. You know, anyone who's been on the planet for a few decades, you start to see all those things.

You may have them temporarily, but they're not going to be around forever. What I want to go back to is, how does this also square with the power of setting goals and achieving real things in life? Because I do think there's value in that of having something, to reach for that's outside of perhaps your current capabilities.

I know it's been useful for me. I'm just curious of your perspective on that, because especially, I think in sports or being an Olympian or being a CEO, it's like, okay, great, how can we set this? And for me, I try and do it in the context of a game, meaning like, how can I play this game and go for this game?

But not be attached? Yes, exactly. I mean to yeah, I'd love to reach it and it would be awesome. And I can like bring all of my fire and my strength and my energy and my creativity. But if I don't reach it, it doesn't mean I am a failure. So here's a question for you, Marie. Yeah. How many times do you know 100% for sure that this goal that you have is the absolute best thing for you?

Oh, not I do not not always. Maybe. Like and this is just rough off the moment. Yeah. Maybe like one out of ten. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly like that I think that's so important for people to know. Yes. Is that, we all have our goals, but do we know for sure it's the best thing for us? Like it's masters is coming up, right?

Yeah. In fact, I think it might have started today. And so, is it the best thing for anyone of them to win? Well, it's their dream, their goal, right? Yes. It is the best thing for them. We don't know the caddy. Is it the best thing for you, for your player to win? You don't know. In fact, a good friend of mine, Teddy Scott's there right now.

Good luck, Teddy, but we don't know if it's the best thing for you, but that gives you, Also, Brandon's there. Another great caddy that gives you freedom. If you you have this big goal and dream, but you don't even know if it's the best thing for you, so you can let go of it a little bit.

Like you said, I want to share with you a model that I shared. That I share with all my clients, and it's called the Three Worlds model. It's kind of helps you think about this. Yeah. And so we live in three worlds simultaneously. So there's the third World, which is all of your results and circumstances. It's the world that, most of us have obsessed about my whole life.

I've obsessed about it. I want to be a superstar. And like I told you about and that's been the majority of my life obsession about this third world. And the thing about the third world of results and circumstances, it's all in the past and future. It's always changing. It's very unstable, and it's the world of the ego and instability.

It's the world we have the least control over. Yeah. And then there's the second world, which is your inner world and all of your inner thoughts and feelings and decisions and actions that follow. And so world two, your inner world and all of your actions. And so I first thought of this. So I got a call, back when Inner Excellence first came out from Tiger Woods coach and he said, Sean Foley and he said, I read Inner Excellence.

Can you talk to one of my clients? And so, I fly out to California. I meet with his name was Hunter Mahan and Sean and start to talk to them. I was like, how can I explain to them in just a few minutes what inner excellence is all about? And so this model is what came to me.

And so I've been using it ever since. And so we have a third world of results and circumstances that easily get attached to second world is your inner world and all of your actions that follow. And then there's the first world. The first world is the unseen world that controls the third world. It's the world, of of unlimited possibilities, limited only by imagination and belief.

It's the world of inner strength and mental toughness and love and joy and everything that's eternal. And so, as I was sharing this to Tigers coach and and to Hunter, a pro golfer, when they're on the course, they're in world to your inner world and all of your actions. So when you're performing you're in world two. So what happens to most pro golfers and to most of us is where is our mind?

It's in the past and future, the results and circumstances. World three. But if we want to be your best, like we talked about earlier, we need to be fully engaged in the moment. Heart, mind and body fully in this moment. No thoughts of self and no thoughts of past or future. That's the ideal. And so. But in most pro athletes, and most of us spend most of our time when we're in the second world performing or just living and doing our 9 to 5 in our heart and mind is in world three and then world one.

We ignore, and so it's the opposite of how it should be. So we should have not. The ideal is 90% of your thought. Life is one two, world one and world two. Yeah, and 10% in the in the world of, results and circumstances two, two, three. But most people fall into this what I call the three two trap.

And so we're in world two as a golfer, but they're thinking about world three. That putt they just missed or that tough hole that they got coming up and they're not as good as they could be. And so have you ever been in world two when you're thinking about the past and the future and. Oh yeah, absolutely.

And I think some of my best, some of my best work, whether it is creating content. When I launched my book, we did an entire concert where I performed on stage, and there was talking and singing and dancing and all of the stuff you're talking about, everything is figure out. Yeah, it was like, because I was one of the world's first Nike elite dance athletes, which was a whole thing that we did.

So, yeah. Thank you. But my, my greatest joy is always come when I can let go of that world. Three and not thinking about the results. And I feel like I love that, framework of like, 10% of the time. It's like checking into that world for me would mean like, okay, let's see how we did. Let's see what the feedback is.

Let's see what we can learn. What are the results. And I feel like, you know, you've talked a lot about in your book presuppositions. And I wrote one of these down. I'm going to bounce around all of my notes. Here is all things are here to teach me and help me. It's all working for my good. Yeah, you know, whenever it's a big one, my mind has gotten caught up, in world three, or looking at results or circumstances that, first of all, they're done.

They're complete. It's now in the past, there's nothing else I can do about, you know, whether we hit certain numbers in the business or an external circumstance with my family that is completely out of my control. You know what I mean? Different circumstances in life. I think that presupposition, and this is one of them, is one of my favorite highlights from the book that top performers have about circumstances they cannot control.

And I think this relates to world three is all things are here to teach me and help me. It's all working for my good. And then your second one that I highlighted was the problem is not the problem. The problem is the way you're thinking about it. Two really good ones. Yeah. So that first one is one definitely I think about every day.

And I want my clients and anyone that reads the book to think about every day. Yeah. Because I mean it's a completely different way of living. Yeah. Everything is here to teach you and help you. Help you. Every person you encounter that that difficult coworker or that person that was lying or that relative, anyone there?

And not only that, and this is principle number two. Everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart at all times. And so I'll get back to that, because that's a big one. I know there's going to be people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, not Billy, not Susie. I know for sure that could be doing better.

And so I totally get that. But the first principle that you mentioned, this presupposition that, everything is here to teach me and help me, it's all working for my good. So first of all, the number one goal and inner excellence every day is to learn and grow. Yeah. And like I said earlier, you don't know this thing that you think could be the life changing, the best thing for you.

You don't know if it's the best thing for you. And so even if all the, third world circumstances look like it is, you don't have all the information and the best thing for you long term may be to gain more patience. Maybe to gain more, inner strength. Much better than having some thing that you want.

And it's not how I would drop the world. I mean, if I drew it up because the best possible life has one foot in joy and one foot in suffering. That's not how I would have drawn it up. I'm just saying that's how the universe is. Yeah. I would have drawn it up. One foot in joy, one foot in joy.

But you know, I'm not. I'm not God. So I didn't do it. So, I mean, no, I like that. So let's talk about I love that the three pillars of inner excellence love, wisdom and courage. I found myself walking around New York City like repeating those is like I love mantras. I have someone who has a, you know, brain that goes, in many different directions a lot of the time.

So mantras and little things that I can repeat are very, very helpful for my ability to focus and reground. And there's also three great questions that you have that help reveal what is most important to us in the deepest part of our hearts. I thought that was wonderful. And it relates a little bit back to our influenza.

Affluenza. Excuse me. Virus conversation. What do I dream about? What do I worry about? What regularly makes me anxious, and what do I get upset about? What makes me the angriest? I thought those questions were so fun and insightful. Just as a self-check, right? To see what at this moment in time. Like, what paradigm are you living in?

What are you prioritizing? What are you making the most important? Yeah, for sure, because, like I said earlier, what's running your life is your heart and your subconscious working together. Your heart. When I say heart, I mean your spirit or your will. And so it's the deepest part of you is where your greatest fears are and your greatest dreams are.

And so that's what we want to work on. And so if you want to know where your heart is, because when you're squeezed, when you're under pressure, what's in your heart is going to come out. Yeah. And, don't tell anybody this, but one time I was squeezed and an F-bomb came out. Yeah, like, don't tell Jim. Yeah, but I wrote this.

If you haven't been friends long enough, they pop out of my mouth all the time. Okay, so, I mean, it doesn't happen often, but it has happened in my life, and now it's like, whoa. Whenever that does happen, I'm like, okay, that was in my heart. And even if I didn't do something, but I would have I'm like, okay, well, what's in your heart?

Because if I didn't do it, but I would have, then that means next time I might like it's in your heart. And so whenever you're squeezed, you're going to find out what's in your heart. So if your life is going good and you're nice to people and happy and whatever, it could be just your third world circumstances are pretty good.

It could be this false peace. So we don't really know who you are. Until we get under pressure, then we know what's in your heart. And because we want to know what's in your heart. Because then if you don't know what's in your heart, then you could be really, really unstable and get, you know, like you feel like you got hit by a freight train.

So in order to avoid those hit like a freight train moments, we need to train the heart. And that heart the way we know where your heart is by those three questions that you just so wisely asked. Yeah. So, another one of my favorite highlights was the fearless four. And I actually wrote those down. That's what I said to you on Instagram.

So I have a little card where I look at my goals every morning and I write them. And then I made this five daily process goals. Yours are four. I just added on a bonus because it was so sweet self. So number one, give my best 100% of what I have today. Number two be present, number three be grateful and number four focus on routines and only what I can can control.

So I want to break down that first part. Give 100% of what I have today because I think that this is so important. My audience is filled with super ambitious type, a kind of humans who are usually doing a lot. And while it's certainly not the total breakdown, I would say that 70% female and have kids and the family and the business, you know, responsibility is kind of out the wazoo.

And I wanted to really dig into the nuance of this because you explain in the book so well, it's 100% of what I have today. So if you're injured or if you're in what I call in the trenches in life, meaning you're either have a diagnosis or there's a death or grief or you've lost your job, you know, it's like life has just kind of just you got to punch in the gut and everything is shifted really fast.

Let's talk about that. Give 100%. Like if you only got 40% today, it's not about pushing yourself to 120 or being a superhero, right. Can you write that down? Yeah, absolutely. And I think of my friends Matt and Gina who have ten kids and just think like, you're sick and then you're the mom, and then you've got four of them that are sick, and then and then some of them, they're not completely the perfect angels that they are every day.

One day they're not. And then I'm just like, man, how does she do it? Yes. And so, giving 100% of what you got is so important because it's to realize you're either going to, show up feeling your best or your worst, or somewhere in the middle and 90% of the time it's going to be in the middle.

And some of those times, a lot of those times, it's going to be on the left side of your, you know, in the middle of towards your worst, it might be 40%. And so if you don't realize that that's where you're at, then, it could be really it's like being depressed about being depressed. So say if you have if your third world circumstances are really tough and then you get depressed about it and then you're depressed about being depressed, that doubles it.

And so it's so important to realize when you show up to kind of check in each day, it's like, what do I have today? And then if you're married, share that with your spouse. Like, you know, I've only got 40% today. And then, and realize that I'm going to give 100% of that 40 and then you can have a good day.

It's it's just so much harder if you don't realize that. Yeah. Because then the standards can be unrealistic. And then you're going to get really frustrated and then anxiety will come in. Yeah. And I feel like it's that that whole downward spiral, if you don't have any grace for yourself, for where you are or consistently setting the bar, and I've certainly done this in my past so unbelievably high that there's no room for error.

And then the mental anguish of beating myself up. What's wrong with me? Like my friends know, one of my trigger words like, If I'm in a bad space, you know what I mean? If I'm like, not at my best, I call myself weak. They're like, you just use the Debbie. I'm like, I feel so weak. And they're like, you're not weak, you're human.

So I just, I loved this conversation, and I love I write it down and I look at it every day because it reminds me to bring that level of self-compassion and self-awareness to, well, what is and what does giving 100% of my best look like today? Not the idealized version of who I think I should be, but you know, the kind of alignment with reality, with what I got.

Exactly. Yeah. So walk me through, like, what's your own daily mental training practice look like right now? You know, and because I know it's like everything in this book is so beautiful. It's so fun. It's so grounded. I love how much it's connected to the heart. And I know you've also probably or I would imagine just with the recent Super Bowl and like, you know, when something blows up, that's a lot of energy.

It's a lot of attention. It's a lot of new voices in your, you know, it's just life kind of starts to take on a different tempo and temperature and there's so much more to manage. So what's how has it been for you lately? Yeah, it's been crazy. Yeah. My life is very, very different now from January 12th is when AJ Brown was.

Were you just where were you when were you just like, Holy shit. Like, where were you watching it? Did you see it happen? Yes, but I didn't. I didn't use that. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's me, that's Jersey. Hurry. I was getting, So I was, I was in, hotel room in Dallas, Texas, and I'm, I'm watching, actually, Penn State play Notre Dame in a bowl game, which had already happened, but I hadn't seen it yet.

So I'm watching that game. And then meanwhile, AJ Brown and the Eagles are playing the Packers in the playoffs. And then I look at my phone and my mom was they they told her she only had a few weeks to live. And she she had a great life. And so she like you mentioned earlier, her relatives and, grandfather, so she end up dying four days later, January 16th.

Actually. It was so sorry. Yeah. Thank you. It was more joy and sorrow because, now she's she's, much better, but that the. When I found out it was January 16th, four days after this all went down. But January 12th was was, a very interesting day. I, I hadn't paid off my credit cards in January, the first time in years.

And I was like, oh, I don't have enough money to pay off my credit cards this month. And life was kind of slow. Business was kind of slow. And, and my mom was dying. And so, I'm walking around downtown Dallas kind of lonely and Sunday afternoon and I look up at this skyscraper and I just written a book called The Best Possible Life How to Live with Deep Contentment, Joint confidence, No matter what.

It's about the spiritual life, the Christian life. And I look up at the skyscraper and I and I think this thought now I realize it was God ask me. But at the time I had no idea. And the thought was, Jim, would you rather own that building outright? No mortgage whatever for whatever hundreds of millions of dollars it's worth?

Or would you rather have understood and written that book the best possible life? And I thought, as I'd rather just have written and understood the book, and I take that over the, the, the money. And then a few hours later, my life completely changed. I'm looking at my I'm watching the game. I look at my phone, I see a whole bunch of messages, and actually, I thought my mom died.

And so I was like, oh, what's all the messages? Yeah. And then I see, like, you need to watch this game. And I was like, whoa. And then, you know, Tom Brady's talking about it and Kim Burkhart etc.. And you know, everything exploded from there. Yes. So the book had sold, it's first came out in 2009, with McGraw-Hill.

And then I took over the rights to it sometime, maybe ten years later. And then I republished that self-published in 2020. And that's the book AJ Brown has been reading. And so in January, for example, it had sold maybe 2 or 3 a day, so I don't know, 20 or 25 total in January. Yeah. And so that week it's sold, around 100,000.

Yes. I was one of them. Woot. And you know it's awesome. You know, so fun. So my first book, not everything is figured out a little, but my very first book I originally self-published. Then I sold it to McGraw-Hill. Oh, is that hilarious? Yeah. But this is exciting. So now this is like a we have you redone the innards of the book since January.

Like, did you rewrite anything or are we just republishing now? It's it's pretty much the same. It's pretty much the same. Yeah. It's got a new little top. Oh. Oh, just something called the number one New York Times bestseller. Congratulations. That's fun. That's super fun. Yeah, that that's going to be launched April 29th. Beautiful. Yeah. So, okay, so that day changed everything.

So that was like. So yeah. Walk me through what happened and then your mental practices where you're like, yeah, okay. So we're going to get to that. So that day was interesting. So it's kind of lonely. My life changes three hours later. And then the next day it was mayhem like that. The emails, text messages, everything coming at me so fast.

I was doing interviews like every half hour the next two days. Wow. It's sold, I think 43,000 books in two days. Nice. And then the. Yeah, me it was it was really, chaotic and incredible. But what was interesting, I was going to tell you about that story was so I didn't have a lot of money.

That's, like, business kind of slowed, wasn't able to pay off the credit cards. And then I'm in Philadelphia. Actually went to the game the next week. The snow game against the the, Rams. And, it was amazing. And so but I'm in Philadelphia and I, this guy on the street asked me for money and I, I looked at my wall.

I had no money. So I run to the bank and to get money out, and I try to take out $300 and it says, insufficient funds, 200 insufficient funds, and 100 gives me the money. I find the guy, give him some money. And then a few days later, my, my mortgage payment bounces and I've got a negative balance, my checking accounts overdrawn.

And so this hasn't happened in years. That week that that happens. So we have God asking me, would you rather have hundreds of million dollars or have understood this all about the Christian life and then ask me for money? And then I didn't have the money, then, you know, it was just and then all of this, it was really a crazy experience.

A lot of tears that week, just, and it was not so much because I was really shocked at how people kept talking about me. Like, this author goes from, from, you know, obscurity to New York Times number one bestseller. And then I guess I realized, I guess that is kind of the American dream. Like, people want this sort of success.

I kept thinking like, this is not about me. Like, what is this? This? Like, I'm just kind of like a messenger. You you don't even have to read into excellence. This is 2000 years of of things that I've collected of, you know, this wisdom. And I just want people to learn that, you know, selfless is fearless and that if you pursue this life where you have a purpose beyond yourself, you can have that fearlessness.

And and so, yeah, everything is very different now. I signed with the United Talent Agency a week later and, there's an auction for the book. 14 publishers came in and they had presented and we did an auction in the UK. And so, yeah, it was it was it's been an incredible experience. And, I'm super, super grateful.

So my, my routines have been a little bit, adjusted. And so like, I just came here late. Thank you for your patience. From the Hachette Studios audio recording like I did. That took me three years to record the audio for that book. This was during Covid, started off in Covid, and then just I didn't have a place to record and it was just a challenge.

And then I get to the Hachette Studios here in New York City. And, I have an audio engineer there with me the whole time and this fancy studio. And I was like, so I just came from there narrating the new version, or the, an updated version of this book. And so, but what do I do?

Like when I wake up, the first thing I wake up is I point to the heaven and I say, father, I belong to you. I kind of it's like my little I give everything to you. Yeah. And then. And then I'm going to tell you my normal routine. It's, If I'm home, like I was home in Seattle.

I have a place in Seattle. I was there for one full day in the last probably three months. So I got home for one day, and then, but my routine would. Then I would go into the kitchen and I would fill up my water bottle. I have a water bottle that's kind of, funny. It's my whole water for the day.

So I can make sure that I get my my hydration and I put in the electrolytes in it, and then I get my ice water. I do this, ice water immersion with. For my face. Yeah. And so, I do that in the morning and then go turn on the sauna and then we have, a, sauna, cold plunge and red light therapy in the, in the gym.

So, get that heated up, and then I go into my room and I turn on the, the morning playlist. Everyone should have a morning playlist. Tell us the morning. I'm all about music. Tell us about the morning playlist. Music is so important. It has such an impact on how you feel, because our our actions largely stem from how we feel.

And we want to make sure those feelings line up with our purpose. And we want to make sure our music lines up with our purpose. And I noticed, years ago when I listened to a certain type of music that I would feel a certain way, and that way was like, I feel like I'm missing out. It was like it would get me kind of amped up and like, I'm missing out.

I need to go, meet girls and go beep. You know, I gotta go clean. And so I realized that that's what I was feeling. And it wasn't a feeling that was peaceful. Yes. And then I listened to this other music, and it would, I would feel this peace. And I started to. And that's what I want everyone to realize is that the music that you listen to has a huge impact.

So there's two things. It impacts how you feel and it impacts your beliefs in your heart, which is the bigger thing. Your heart is what's running your life and your subconscious. And so we want to make sure that we have words and rhythms and music that are empowering you towards your purpose. And so every day we want to wake up thinking about our purpose.

And so, I have this after that I go into, my room, I have this, this what's called the happy light. And so, we want to get sunshine on her face, but first, before 9 a.m. or 10 a.m., I do it ideally, like an hour. And if you live in Seattle or in Vancouver, then it might be hard sometimes, especially in the winter.

So then you can get a happy light in and it's fine. You can get them on Amazon for like 80 bucks. And so I have I sit on the floor, I'm doing the stretching, and I get the happy light right from my face. And then I, and I put on the ten minute timer on my phone countdown timer, make sure it's going set that off to the side.

And then I put on this Christian music. And I'm just going to soak up God's love. And the purpose is just to soak up God's love. Because what happens if our greatest need is to be fully known and fully loved? Love is our greatest need to start. Unconditional love is our greatest need, our greatest power, and our greatest desire.

And so, because love is fearless. And so if you're not feeling loved, you're going to spend your whole life trying to feel it, and you're going to try and feel it throughout, through possessions, achievements, lux, money, status. And because that's going to get other people to like, oh, we love you, Jim. You're somebody's attention. Yeah, yeah. And so that's what most people do.

That's the trap most people do is they're trying to get it. And that's the trap I've fallen into most of my life. Is is trying to get that better, feeling that love through these achievements. And it's it's a chase your tail, endless emptiness that that never satisfies. It's if it does satisfy, it's very, very brief. Yeah. And so that's why we want to have that purpose that that directs us to something powerful and permanent.

You know, my one of my favorite things that I do in the morning is, it was a few years ago. It was over the holiday break. I was in the UK, and, I just had such a great time. My partner and I, Josh, have been together for like, 22 years, and we were listening and it was like the BBC radio three, and it was all classical music.

And oftentimes they did this beautiful thing where they inject different recordings of local birds. And so you'll hear these bird songs. And for me, it's like that connection with nature is everything. And so in the mornings, I often like to have my coffee and listen to the BBC radio three, because you can just do it on an app.

And so there's the most sublime classical music and bird songs, and even sometimes if it's just 15 minutes. But I find myself, my heart is open. I'm thinking. And in a realm that is super playful and ethereal and you know what I mean? And really, I'm telling you, it's so fun. Thank you. And then, of course, you know, for me, I just like when we were talking about the phone that I, I'm kind of at my, my team and my friends often laugh at me.

They're like, oh my God, did you see x, y or Z happened? That's like social media related or something that's trending. I'm like, dude, I'm living like it's in the 90s. Like that's like my happy place. I just don't pay attention to a lot of things because I find that I feel my best and I perform at my best, and I'm, I'm most loving when I don't have a lot of those inputs.

And, but the BBC does often share, like a few news headlines. And, you know, the world is intensely now and there's a lot happening. And I always joke, I'm like, but it sounds better in a British accent, you know what I mean? Like, sometimes it doesn't get into the and they'll just state it and there's an accent and I'm like, okay.

And now we're hearing Chopin, you know, it's it's. Yeah. But I love that. Another question for you. If you could put a single sentence on a billboard for every driven burnout high performer to read, what might it say? And don't feel like you have to get it right. This could be a first draft of something, I think, in order for people to remember something, it has to be simple.

And so, I would probably say selflessness. Fearless. I love that. I love that if somebody listening right now wants to break free from decades of identity, like based on performance or feeling like they have to people, please, or they have to prove, again, I know we have an amazing book and I hope everyone does read it, but what do you think the first step might be for them to start to break that pattern in themselves?

I'm guessing that there's that. I'm not alone, and there's a lot of people that their phone is really, impacting their life. And what I noticed, like I said, it was tumbling, my heart grabbing my imagination. And so you can think about those three questions you asked earlier, like, where is my heart? Like, what do I dream about?

What do I think about? What do I worry about? And like I was thinking about. So I have this workbook, the Inner Excellence workbook we're going to be my deadline is August 15th, so that'll be coming out probably, 2026. And so I told my team, I said here, here's something that I thought of that that's, a practice that an exercise that everyone can try that we might put in the workbook.

And it's can you go through the whole day and not say anything negative? It's kind of simple directive. But it's really hard and, because we live in a world that's, that's, filled with a lot of fear and anxiety and negativity and, if you focus on what you can't control and what you're afraid of, you're going to have more of it, you're gonna have more of that fear.

And so it's so important to focus on, to start clarifying, well, what is the purpose of my life? And you can think about, we have an inner excellence retreat coming up, actually, now, April 24th to 28th with youth with a mission, where I'm building a house for a family in Mexico and, in that if when that comes, we're going to clarify their life purpose and I'm going to ask them, how do you want to feel in your life?

And that's, that's something that we don't want to be led around by feelings, but we want to be able to recognize them and understand when I'm at my best, what does it feel like and what adds to it and what takes away from that? And then, how do I want to live? Like, how do I want to handle negativity?

And, when when life is tough, what kind of person do I want to become? And, what do I value most? And so then we're going to narrow that down into a life purpose that can help you reduce some of those anxious thoughts, because now if you have a purpose behind your self, then you can start to do that.

And realizing that selfless is fearless can can be helpful. Jim, thank you so much for making the time. Congratulations. I'm so excited for you. And it sounds like a very exciting, new chapter in your journey. I really appreciate your work and I'm excited to see what comes next. So thank you. Thanks so much for having me. It's been so great to be here with you and learn from you.

Thank you.

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