What Jersey Marie Wants You to Know About Writing A Book

In this episode of MarieTV, we do have some adult language. So if you do have little ones around, grab your headphones now.

Marie: Hey, it’s Jersey Marie and I’m back for another episode of MarieTV. You know, writer Joseph Epstein wrote in The New York Times that up to 81% of people feel they got a book in them and that they should write it. And I got to say, I think Mr. Epstein is on the money, because I know many of you have either written a book, you’re writing a book now, or you plan to write a book. Now, look, I’m no expert. But I’ve helped Marie with her last two books, and I got to say we learned a couple of things this last time around, things we think you should know, things we don’t see anybody else talking about. So if you want to write a book now or in the future, here are three important phrases every modern author needs to know. Get out your pen and paper, kids, and let’s do this.

Phrase number one, primary source. Can you say that with me? Primary source. Excellent. Now, this one’s especially important if you want to sprinkle in some inspirational quotes into your book to help prove or expand your points. A primary source is a rock-solid, airtight origin point for a fact or a quote. It means you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that whoever you say said something actually said something.

So, regular Marie, right? She loves these inspirational quotes. She’s got more than like six dozen in this new book, but nobody ever told her about the importance of finding primary sources until she was practically done with our manuscript. Then when she started looking for them, she found out that a very high percentage of inspirational quotes are actually completely misattributed, meaning there’s no primary source. Holy cannoli. Madonna mi.

So many days, so many nights, she wanted to pull this gorgeous hair right out of her head trying to find primary sources for all the damn quotes in the book. Let me give you an example. “To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” Aristotle. Wrong. According to the quote investigator, Aristotle never fricking said that. In fact, they think it’s some guy named Elbert Hubbard.

Here’s another one that’ll blow your freaking mind. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Albert Einstein. Wrong again. Einstein never freaking said that. Right now, our best bet is that it’s from Narcotics Anonymous. I mean, who knew? Drugs maybe do make you smart.

Bottom line, I need you to be meticulous with your work. Give yourself some time and some space to do all that research and find those primary sources, because I promise you everything you think you know about famous quotes, it ain’t so. And if you want a real deal quote for your next book, here’s one for you, baby. Don’t pull quotes off the internet, because we can’t confirm anyone ever said anything. Jersey Marie. I said that? That’s some good shit, huh? Permission to quote granted.

Phrase number two, problematic. Okay, so that’s not really a phrase. It’s a word, but I got to tell you the word itself is actually very problematic and that’s meta, but we ain’t going there. I want to get right to the point. In her new book, regular Marie was telling this story where there was this guy. And honestly, he was being a total asshole, so she called him a douchebag, and her copy editor flagged it and said, “You know what? This could be problematic.” Our first reaction was like, “What are you talking about? What do you mean? He’s a douchebag. What exactly is the problem here?”

But then we did some digging. Turns out there’s a whole other can of controversy around the word douche that we had no idea even existed. Look, we grew up in Jersey in the ’80s. If someone was a douche, you called them a douche, or maybe you said he was douchetastic or a douche biscuit or he’s a douche canoe. But look, culture has shifted, right? Now, some people think it’s a sexist word. Other people, they fricking love it. They want to reclaim that word.

I was like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re just trying to tell a simple story here. We’re not trying to get into this whole douche debate debacle.” So, we said to ourselves, “Hey, is there another word that’s not going to stir up this much of a (beep) storm?” And wouldn’t you know it? There was. Rather than calling that guy a douche, we called them a dickwad.

So, here’s the lesson, people. When you write your book, if something gets flagged that’s problematic, don’t get defensive. Get happy. It’s a learning opportunity. You get to grow and you get to come up with something even better to say, something that’s more accurate, something that’s not going to distract people from your main message. And who knows? Maybe you too can graduate from douchebag to dickwad. Dream big, my friends.

Phrase number three, pre-orders. You know, everybody thinks you write a book, you get a publisher and then bam. Just like magic, those books are flying off the shelves at Barnes & Noble like nona slices fly out of Bleecker Street Pizza. But I got to tell you, it don’t happen like that. The third and most important phrase you need to learn is pre-orders.

Look, if you want your book to be a big success, you can’t just wait around for your publisher start making things happen. You can’t just take a nap until the book comes out. No, no, no, no, no. You got to start getting people hyped. You got to inspire them to buy your book way before it ever hits the shelves. And here’s the why behind that. Because when you get a nice amount of pre-orders, it’s like having a nice long line around the club, right? It’s an indicator to the booksellers and to the press, “Hey, this book could actually be something. Maybe we should put it on that nice table out in the front of the store.”

So, look, I’m going to practice what I’m preaching right now, all right? If you haven’t already ordered this here book, Everything is Figureoutable, you need to do it right now. And please, for everything, save your receipts. Because in October, regular Marie, she’s doing this incredible online coaching experience designed to help you rewire that big, beautiful brain of yours for success in every damn part of your life. How you like that?

And you know regular Marie, right? She’s expensive-but-worth-it.com. I mean, her coaching don’t come cheap. But when you pre-order right now, you’re going to get it for free. That’s right, people. Come on. For free. Go to everythingisfigureoutable.com/freegift for all them details. So, there you have it, folks. Three phrases every modern author needs to know, also known as some important shit we wish we knew before we started writing this here book. You’re so welcome.

Now, we’d love to hear from you. Got a two-parter today. You ready for it? Part one, Have you pre-ordered Everything is Figureoutable yet? Come on. Now, what’s the matter with you? Once you do, let me know in the comments below. Tell me who you order from, like which site, when you ordered. Then, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to pick someone from the comments and I’m going to send you an extra personalized signed copy of the book.

Now, look, you can have it signed by me, Jersey Marie, or regular Marie. Your choice, but we’re going to check your receipts, so be ready for it. All right? Now, part number two. Tell me, do you got a book in you? Have you already written one or maybe more? If you’ve been through this process, what do you wish you knew before? Come on, let’s help everybody out here. Now, as always, the best conversations happen over at marieforleo.com, so get your sweet buns over there and leave a comment now, all right? Now, once you’re there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider.

You know the fricking deal. You’ll get instant access to a powerful audio we created called How To Get Anything You Want. You’ll also get some exclusive content, special giveaways, and personal updates from regular Marie that she just don’t share anywhere else. Stay on your game and keep going for them dreams, because the world really needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching, and we catch you next time on MarieTV.

Hey, you having trouble bringing your dreams to life? Well, guess what? The problem isn’t you. It’s not that you’re not hardworking or intelligent or deserving. It’s that you haven’t yet installed the one key belief that will change it all. Everything is Figureoutable. It’s my new book and it launches September 10th and you can order it now at everythingisfigureoutable.com.

All right? Bada bing, bada boom. Everybody, oh my God, Madonna mia, what’s happening? I need to get you guys an espresso or what? Who you calling a buffoon, huh? All right? Don’t speed it up, girl. Don’t make me come over there and smack you. Put your power tools in your pants where they belong. Did you buy this freaking book yet? Did you pre-order? Don’t make me come find you. Seriously, pre-order the book. It’s going to be good for you, good for your family, good for everyone you know. Trust me on this one.