Feeling Like A Fraud? Stop Self Sabotage with This Unexpected Technique

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Those songs are so… They just never get old.

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(singing) Oh, we’re good? Okay. (singing)

Hey. It’s Marie Forleo, and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And this is Q and A Tuesday, and I don’t even care if it’s not Tuesday when you’re watching it. It’s not even Tuesday when I’m recording it, but this is Q and A Tuesday, so let’s rock it. Today’s question comes from [Tamarin 00:00:00:31], and she writes, “Hi, Marie. I’m based in London, and an American acquaintance recommended you to me, and I love, love, love your message. I’ve just started up my own business, and my question is this. How do you deal with self-sabotaging thoughts that make you feel like you are winging it and that someone will find you out? I think women, in particular, suffer from this, and we hold ourselves back because we feel like we could get busted any moment for not really being an expert in our field, even if we’ve got a lot of experience and great ideas.”

Awesome question, Tamarin. I agree with you that many of us feel like a fraud, regardless of how much experience we have. And here’s the thing, the idea that we could somehow be a fraud or that we’re going to get found out is really a kissing cousin to one of the biggest fears that every human being on the planet shares, and it’s this. It’s the fear of not being good enough. We all have this fear. People who are brand new at what they’re doing and people who have tons of experience and a lot of accomplishments under their belt. Now, where all of us get tripped up is thinking that we need to overcome the fear of not being good enough or get rid of our negative thoughts in order to be successful.

Truth is, you don’t have to. Here’s the thing. You can’t really get rid of negative thoughts. And if you’ve ever tried, you know that I’m right. But what you can do is make them powerless. And here’s how. You know how when you leave your computer idle for a little while, a screensaver pops up? Your self-sabotaging thoughts are the same thing. They’re a screensaver that pops up every time you go idle. Think about it. When you’re fully immersed in your work, maybe you’re creating a marketing campaign, or you’re writing an email to a client, or you’re doing any of the 300 things that need to happen in order for your business to run, you have no room to wonder whether or not you’re a fraud. You’re too busy getting things done and making a difference. But the moment you go idle, whoops.

So, how do you get your real screensaver to go away? You tap a key, and you get back to work. It’s the same thing with your mental one. Rather than thinking of your negative thoughts as bad, consider them an automatic friendly reminder that you’ve checked out, and it’s time to re-engage. Know this. In any given moment, you’re either fully engaged or… By the way, just because those words are there does not mean that they are true. You don’t have to analyze the words, or try and change them, or make them wrong, or try and figure out why they’re there in the first place. Tamarin, the only thing you have control over in life is what you focus on, where you’ll direct your attention, your energy, and your emotion in any given moment. And I’ve got a mantra to help you remember this. And yes, it’s a Tweetable.

More present moment engagement equals less crappy thoughts. Look, Tamarin, we all have self-sabotaging thoughts. The difference between those who are successful and those who are not is the amount of attention and energy that we give to them. So, that’s my [inaudible 00:03:42] or cue. Bye.

B-school is coming up.

I’m just kidding. Tamarin, that wasn’t it. I want to challenge you and everyone to take what I’m calling the seven-day screen saver challenge. For the next seven days, what I want you to do is to pay special attention. Every time you disengage, and you check out, and you go into zombie land, catch your mental screen saver, tap a little key, and get back into your life. I promise you do this for seven days, you don’t make your little negative thoughts wrong, you don’t worry about self sabotaging anything, you just stay engaged in the present moment as much as possible, it’s going to have a huge effect on your productivity, and more importantly, your happiness.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. How do you deal with your self-sabotaging thoughts? Do you think they’re legit or do you just brush them off and get back to work? As always, the best action happens after the episode at marieforleo.com. So, go there, and leave a comment now. Did you like this video? If so, subscribe to my channel and share it with your friends. And if you want even more great resources to have a business and life you love, plus, personal insights from me that I only share in email, come on over to marieforleo.com, and sign up for email updates. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams. The world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching, and I’ll catch you next time on Marie TV.

B-school is coming up. Want in? For more info and free training, go to joinbschool.com.

The difference between those who are successful and those who are not is a telephone. Just walk in. I’ll be in my bathtub. I swear. I don’t think I have a full brain sometimes.

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