How To Find A Mentor: 6 Steps To Get The Support You Want

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Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the best place to be if you want to create a business and life that you love. Now, if you’ve ever wondered how to find a good mentor, especially when everyone is so darn busy, this is the episode for you. Today’s question comes from Katlego and she writes:

“Hi Marie. I’ve got big visions and dreams. I’m working hard to make them happen and now I’m wondering how can I find a great mentor. I know this is an important key to success but I find that awesome people are often so busy and already mentor others. I’ve also found that the “could you be my mentor?” question is their most dreaded. So how have you connected with people operating at higher levels than you in order to have a learning relationship with them that is mutually beneficial? Thanks, Katlego.”

Katlego, great question and I love how aware you are that the question “could you be my mentor?” is often the most dreaded. So my take on mentorship is a little bit different than some others. You know, I have colleagues who swear by the power of mentorship and finding that one person who you can learn from. But for me, I’ve never felt that way. I like learning from a lot of different people with no anticipation or expectation that one person’s gotta take me under their wing. That feels like too much pressure to me and not really the kind of relationship I honestly want to have with anyone. But no matter what your perspective is, there are loads of ways to get the guidance and that support that you desire, and you can do it starting right now. Here are 6 ways to help you get started.

Number one, you do not need to meet someone to be mentored by them. You know, when I was first getting started, and it’s something I still do to this day, I often got mentored by people I have never even met. I did it on my own schedule through books and tapes and interviews. You know, something we often take for granted is how much effort it takes to write a book or deliver a speech or give a great interview. I mean, those things contain people’s best thoughts, all their experiences, and all of their lessons, and they’re there for you to review and revisit as much as you want. And these days, oh my goodness, with podcasts and online content seemingly coming out of every freaking orifice, you have got mentorship opportunities up the wazoo. It’s literally an explosion of free mentorship.

An explosion of free mentorship. Explosion. It’s combustible. Free wisdom experience. Business smarts go head to head. Business smarts. Tony f****** Robbins. Oprah f****** Winfrey. And Sir Richard f****** Branson.

Number two, don’t look for one, look for many. I want you to be a swinger. Alright? You’ve heard of polyamory, try polymentory. In other words, do not put so much pressure on one relationship. It’s not wise emotionally or intellectually. Look, if you’re only getting advice from one person, you’re missing out on hearing and learning from different points of view. And, let’s be honest, no one person is going to have all the answers. So rather than looking for mentorship from just one person, focus your efforts on building a strong network of relationships, and not all of them should be with people who appear to be “higher” than you on the success totem pole. Here’s what I mean.

Number three, do not always look up. Look to the side. So some of my most trusted advisors are people I consider peers. I’m not a person who puts a lot of emphasis on social hierarchy as it is, but when you’re looking for people to connect with and learn from do not underestimate the power of looking to your colleagues too. They might actually be behind you or maybe just a little bit ahead, so to speak, but here’s why they are super valuable. Because oftentimes they’re closer to resolving the kinds of challenges and issues that you’re struggling with right now. And when you talk with people who are so far beyond where you’re currently at in your journey, they often don’t even deal with the kind of problems that you’re dealing with anymore. So their advice may not be as relevant or tactical. Also, they might be good at things that you’re not, your colleagues, and so you guys can help each other, which means everybody wins.

Number four, be specific, not vague. So one of the main reasons that people want to have a mentor in the first place is so they can shorten their learning curve and avoid making common mistakes. Well, here’s one super common mistake that you can avoid whether you have an official mentor or not. When you ask questions, be specific. Not vague. So, for example, in your experience, what’s the best membership site plugin out there if my budget is under a thousand dollars per year? Now, that is a way better question than, “hey, will you mentor me in my online business?”

Bottom line, you are much more likely to get help if you ask for advice on how to solve a specific problem versus wanting someone to direct your entire project or your career.

Number five is earn respect and trust through action. So this one is so huge. If there’s someone out there that you really want to learn from, you’ve got to be a true and devoted fan. So buy their books and leave reviews, be a customer of their business if that makes sense. If someone teaches, go take their courses or their workshops and be a stellar standout student. If they speak, go buy tickets. Show up and, if you can, introduce yourself. And if they have an online presence, be a consistent, thoughtful, and engaged supporter. You want to let them know that their work affected you in some way. Like, tell them, how did it improve your life or how did it help you get results? Because people love hearing that they’ve had an impact.

And, look, as you’ve shared, people that are creating really cool things in this world are busy. Like, insanely busy. And it’s not that they’re ungenerous or they’re narcissistic or they’re stingy, they’re usually just incredibly creative people who are stretched to the max to deliver on their mission. So the way that you earn trust and respect is by showing up in their world with a genuine, generous, and non-agenda-filled heart. You cannot be needy, you cannot be attached to an outcome, and, of course, you cannot force someone to notice you. But I guarantee, if you’re a consistent, true fan, you’re going to learn so much about how they operate simply by observing them and engaging with what they do. And that will teach you a ton in and of itself.

Number six, do great work in the world. So this one is the most important step if you want to develop real relationships with people you admire. So start building up your body of work, be consistent, hustle your buns off. Nobody wants to start a business relationship with someone who isn’t out there busting their hump and actually doing the work. So realize that if you stay focused on the quality of your work and you truly care for your people, so your customers, your clients, your fans, your colleagues, your bosses, whichever term fits for you, you will get noticed, guaranteed.

And as we wrap up this conversation on mentorship, no matter who you want to connect with, remember this tweetable.

If you want someone to invest in you, give them a reason to believe in you.

That was my A to your Q, Katlego, I really do hope it helps. And now I would love to hear from you. What’s your experience with mentorship, either wanting one, having one, or being one? What are some do’s and don’ts from your experience? Leave a comment below and let us know.

Now, in case you didn’t know, the best conversations happen over at MarieForleo.com so go over there and leave a comment now. And once you get there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF insider. You’ll get instant access to a powerful training called How to Get Anything You Want. It’s really good. You’ll also get some exclusive content and some special giveaways and personal updates that I just don’t share anywhere else.

Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

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