The Secret to Getting Paid: Knowing Your Worth & Overcoming Shame

Marie Forleo: Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be if you want to create a business and a life you love and we think you do. This is the MarieTV Call In Show where we’re taking live callers and doing our very best to offer some insight and guidance. So, let’s get this party started.

Moradeun: Hello?

Marie Forleo: Hi, it’s Marie Forleo and you are on the MarieTV Live Call-In Show.

Moradeun: Oh my god.

Marie Forleo: Hi.

Moradeun: Oh my god, I’m so… Thanks so much for having me here.

Marie Forleo: Oh, it’s our pleasure. Tell us your name and tell us where you’re calling from so everyone in the audience knows as well.

Moradeun: Okay. So, my name is Moradeun and I’m calling from Nigeria.

Marie Forleo: Yay! What’s your question my love? We are going to do our best to help you out.

Moradeun: Okay. So, my question. I’m a multi-passionate person and I have a lot of gifts. I do a lot of things for a lot of people. I step into a place where everybody’s like, “Oh, I don’t know how to fix this.” They have a problem and it’s strange because sometimes it’s something as crazy as coding. I don’t know what coding is, but I step into the place and then I sit two, three minutes and then I know how to code. I know how to fix a website, I know how to design, I know how to make hair, I know how to make clothes, but then I do so many things because I can do so many things, but I’m at this point in my life where I’m broke. I don’t have money because I haven’t been able to spend time building one thing, which I think is the problem because I feel if I had spent time building one skill, I will be able to monetize that and exchange commercial value for that.

Marie Forleo: Mmhmm. So, Moradeun, I said that right, yeah?

Moradeun: Yes, you did.

Marie Forleo: Beautiful name, first of all. Second of all, I just want to acknowledge you for how resourceful you are and how talented you are and what a proactive person you are. I loved listening that no matter what the problem is, my dear, that you’re able to walk in, even if you haven’t had experience there before and you figure it out. My love, you are the embodiment of “everything is figureoutable.” So, you and I, I consider us…

Moradeun: Yeah. That’s like… When I hear you say that, I screamed. You put everything that my life was about into words. I’m like, “Yes, that is it. Everything is figureoutable.” So, thank you for that. Thank you so much.

Marie Forleo: Yes, absolutely. So, I just want you to hear and to know what an incredibly valuable person you are, not just for what you do, but for who you are, how you think, and how you show up in the world, right? That was Greg just giving you a little confetti toss just so you know. So, team Forleo’s all here smiling. Second thing I wanted to let you know, owning your worth is a lesson that all of us have to embrace. It was something that I needed to embrace and it’s something that almost every person I’ve ever met over the two decades of doing this work has to really grow into and when I’m listening to you and by the way, I want to honor your intuition, which says, “I think perhaps one of the things that’s been holding me back is not choosing one specific skill or one specific area to be specialized in,” and that may be true, but what I think is even deeper is for you to recognize that when you walk into a situation, if someone asks you for something and it’s in some type of professional setting that you have every right to ask to be paid.

Every single right. Right? So, I’m going to tell you a quick story about my man Josh because sometimes it’s a little easier to get a lesson when it’s outside of our own specific situation. So, Josh is an incredible man. He’s my love. He is an actor in addition to many other things, a writer and a teacher, but I remember a story that he told me that when he first started his acting career that very often, especially in that industry, people would just ask you to do things for free. So, you show up and you do this student movie, you show up and you do this play and you show up and you do all of these things for a certain period of time because that’s what many of us do.

I certainly did it when I started out with coaching. And he ran into the same problem that you’re facing where he was like, “I can’t survive like this.” Even though he was doing construction work and he was doing all of these other things, bartending and working in restaurants to make ends meet, he said, “If I want to reach my dreams in the creative fields and be a paid working actor, then I need to draw a line in the sand and the next time that a job comes in, the first question I’m going to ask is, ‘What are you paying?’ And if they say, ‘Nothing,’ I’m going to say, ‘No,'” and it was really a moment for him. It was really a moment for him in his own development, in his own career where he had to own his worth and he knew and he was terrified that perhaps some jobs were going to come and they would say no because they didn’t think he was worth it, but for him, his experience, and this has been my experience in my own life too: owning our worth has to be an inside job first. Because when we own our worth, then the world starts recognizing that we’re not going to budge.

Now, by the way, I want to say this for anyone listening and going, “But does that mean you can’t ever do anything for free or that you have to charge every single time?” No no no no no. This is a lesson in owning our worth and when you are doing work that provides value to the world, I’ll tell you in my work today, I’m happy to do things for free when it’s my choice, when it’s my pleasure, when I want to contribute, right? So, I’m not charging all the time, but when I needed to learn this lesson, it was a line in the sand that I had to draw to really own my own worth and to get out of that position of being broke.

Moradeun: Okay. I hear you.

Marie Forleo: How does this resonate for you?

Moradeun: I hear you with my inner ears. I do. I do hear you because I always just show up first about wanting to do the work. I don’t think about the pay first. I actually never think about the pay. I’m always just excited with the opportunity to do something new, to show that I can actually do this and there is a satisfaction that comes to me that I’ve done the work and I usually would think about pay maybe five days later, a week later. I’m like, “Huh, I should have gotten paid for that,” but the money never comes first. But now I’m hearing that. Okay, I can actually want both, both want the satisfaction of doing a job well done, but also to get paid because I’m actually worth that.

Marie Forleo: Yes and you can keep that beautiful service-oriented spirit. This is really money is an exchange of energy and what you’ve been contributing, my love… Right now the balance is off, right? You’re giving so much, but you’re not having that energy fully come back. You are getting the satisfaction piece, but every one of us, this is what I believe in my heart. Prosperity is a birthright in every sense of that word. That means love, that means connection. That means creativity and yes, financial prosperity too. That’s something that I believe in my heart. I can offer it to you. I think everyone deserves it. That’s why I get so excited frankly to talk about money and I especially get excited to talk about it with women because for millennia we have been told that we’re not worth it, that we don’t deserve to own property, that we don’t deserve to have our own bank accounts, that we don’t deserve to be able to get credit without asking for someone else’s permission.

Those times are over, but we need to claim that prosperity for ourselves and I can just feel it in my bones connecting with you, hearing your voice, you are such a powerful, beautiful giving soul. You are so intelligent, you are so worthy. So, this is just a little shift inside where you can still be all of those beautiful giving, generous things and with compassion and clarity say, “This sounds really exciting. I’d love to know what the pay is,” or, “This sounds really exciting. My day rate is X,” or, “This sounds really interesting. Let’s talk about your budget.”

So, there are ways to introduce this financial conversation where if they come back to you and say, “Oh, well I can only do this for free,” then, my love, it is for you to look at and say, “Do I want to do this for free or not?” And then it’s your choice. So, then you can start to shift this pattern of starting to think about money four or five days later and I could feel at least and let me know if I’m off here, the bit of resentment. It’s like, “Wow, I did so much and no one offered me or there’s no there exchange there.” So, that’s what we can change.

Moradeun: That is so right because I feel you should’ve offered to pay me. I shouldn’t have had to ask for the payment or I shouldn’t have had to ask for money in exchange. I’m always like, “Ugh, why didn’t you give me money?” But I understand now.

Marie Forleo: Yes. Then we take ownership of it, right? Then we’re no longer in this victim position. I’ve been there before. Why didn’t they offer to pay me for that? Where you put yourself in a position of power and ownership and responsibility in a beautiful, respectful, open way.

Moradeun: Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. Thank you so much.

Marie Forleo: Oh, you are so welcome. Please keep us posted. Thank you for gracing us with your presence and your beautiful question today. I know that there are millions of us out there who are at various stages of this journey and who are shaking their heads and holding their hearts and saying, “Yes.” Greg, do you have anything that you want to share with our beautiful caller?

Greg: Yes. I just would love to honor your spirit as well. Your spirit is so magical and just you knowing who you are. When you said, “I am good and I know how to do this.” Charging me $1 million. Charge me a million. I’ll write you the check if I had the cash, I’d give you the check. But your energy is so worth it and just you as a beautiful spirit. I’m like, “Hell yes, charge for it.”

Marie Forleo: The value in your confidence. The value in your proactiveness.

Greg: And knowing who you are. You sound like you know who the hell you are. I love that.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Moradeun: Thank you so much. Wow. This is such a rush. Thank you guys so much.

Marie Forleo: We love you. Keep us posted and thank you again.

Moradeun: All right.

Marie Forleo: Bye. Hello?

Monica: Hello?

Marie Forleo: Is this Monica?

Monica: This is Monica.

Marie Forleo: You’re on the MarieTV Live Call In Show, lady. How you doing?

Monica: So excited. I’m so incredibly honored.

Marie Forleo: Oh, we’re excited and honored to have you on the call. You are here with Gregory and all of team Forleo. Let us know your question and we will do our very best to help you out.

Monica: Okay. Well, my question was kind of long, but I’m 57. I am a part time teacher at a college. I had an art studio a couple of years ago and I had to give it up because of family health stuff and I’m the person who can help everybody and now I want to start my own gig again, but I feel paralyzed.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. Can you tell us more about the specifics of what feels so terrifying for you?

Monica: I think having done something and not seen it through before. Teaching is safe. I have a routine. I know how to teach writing to college students, but when you go out and you build something from scratch and you have a physical space and you have all the responsibilities that go with it, it takes mojo and I feel I lost my mojo.

Marie Forleo: So, question for you. When you were telling us the first part of this story, I heard that you needed to close down your original space because shifting your attention to family and health matters was what your life was calling you to do. Is that right?

Monica: Correct.

Marie Forleo: So, I’m curious if we can maybe shift this, see this from a new perspective. What if it’s that you didn’t see it through, but what if you saw that version through to its perfect end?

Monica: Oh, you mean imagine it?

Marie Forleo: Yeah because what I’m hearing in you my love is that you’re beating yourself up as though you didn’t make your original studio a success because you had to end it.

Monica: Right, right. And there were parts of it that I didn’t like to do as well.

Marie Forleo: Exactly. So, what if you were as successful as you could have possibly come and you did see it through to its most perfect end and then life supported you by bringing you a set of circumstances that required you to close down your original studio, gain some perspective so that you could come back and give birth to something new that was more aligned with the who you are meant to be now.

Greg: Oh my God.

Monica: I think I would have let go of the night parties where people bring in their wine and they make stuff and it was fun and everything, but I didn’t really enjoy that. I enjoyed the Saturday mornings with the little kids who took a lesson while their brothers played soccer and I loved the kids who came in with their families. The kids had autism and the families could come in because if there was a meltdown, it didn’t matter because they all knew about it. We could just have a big messy, fun time. I love taking my art to the Boys and Girls Club in Atlantic City because they’re so grateful and you can bring a shoe box and make an apartment out of it and they’re incredibly engaged with it, with stuff that I get from my church, you know, donations. So, that’s where I would see the perfect studio finishing.

Marie Forleo: Great. So, everything you just described to me right now, first of all, I can feel your heart opening. I can feel your energy rising and this sounds to me like your new vision.

Monica: It is. I don’t know how to get there.

Marie Forleo: So, starting small doesn’t mean thinking small. What I need you to do, my love, is to recognize that if you started a studio before, you can start one again. You started a studio before and you have all this lovely experience about what you loved and what wasn’t your favorite and now you can begin again with this fresh perspective with more experience, more wisdom and not including these services that quite frankly didn’t light you up.

Monica: Right.

Marie Forleo: So, here’s what I loved about everything that you’ve shared. You loved sharing art with kids. I think you can start doing this without your own space. This is something that if you invited people over or you did it in a church or you found a way to start doing this, even one hour on Saturdays or Wednesday nights or Sunday afternoons, whatever it is, my suggestion for you to consider is to start small, is to get yourself back into that mode again without necessarily the physical space and get some of your mojo back because as I was listening to you talk about how connected you feel, what the children, how they come to life, the families, how they come to life. I could feel your excitement. Couldn’t you?

Monica: Oh yeah. It’s so natural…

Marie Forleo: Yes. So, we want to get you back into that energetic state, get you back into that practice again and I promise you part of what’s tripping you up right now is just that you’ve been removed. You don’t have that same level of habitual connection that you used to and once we get you back in that state over and over again, just in small ways, I can guarantee you’re going to be like, “Oh,” either the universe is going to come and show you some space. You’re going to drive past a store and there’s going to be a for rent sign. Something is going to happen and it’s all going to start to link together, but clarity comes from engagement, not thought. Starting small doesn’t mean thinking small. And by the way, I know you mentioned this, you’re like “I’m 57 years old.” I think you are 57 years young and you’ve got so much more ahead of you. You’ve got so much more to give, so much more to contribute. This age thing, let it go. My Dad’s in his early 70s. I’m telling you, he is more active than I am. He does more things with his day than I do. He is blowing up in his own world and I think we’re living in a new time. So, if you have some archaic ideas about age in there, honey, let’s just let those go.

Monica: Mmhmm, yeah. Yep. I hear that.

Marie Forleo: Greg, do you have anything that you’d like to share with beautiful Monica?

Greg: Yes. Just what you said. Seeing it through. I think so many of us, I can really relate to Monica where you wanted something to happen and you had a vision and you’re almost stuck in that same space in the past and when you said that, even just hearing Monica go, “Hm, I never thought to just let that be done and then re-imagine it,” like you said. I was just like, “Wow.” So, Monica, thank you for asking this question. Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Is this helpful for you, my love?

Monica: It is. It is. I think also I want to try to be a nonprofit because I think people would donate if they knew I was making enrichment for underserved kids.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. Does it light your heart up when you think about structuring your new project in this way?

Monica: It does. I have a lot to learn, but it does.

Marie Forleo: So do we all, are you kidding me? Every time I wake up, there is so much for me to learn and so much for me to figure out and by the way, as you know, everything is figureoutable. But Monica, the last thing I want to leave you with is this: When we’re looking at new projects, it’s so important that we follow the joy. As I was listening to you describe what you see and what you want to do and even now thinking about structuring this as a nonprofit, I hear the joy in your voice. Keep following the joy that is your liveliness. That is your destiny. That is your love. That is your gifts wanting to come out of you. So, if you stay in that place and keep it joyful and fun and catch your mind. I don’t know if your mind does this, you can let me know, but if it keeps flittering to the past, you have to train that mind like a new little puppy to keep coming back to this moment and what you’re creating.

Joy and the future. Service and your gifts. Love and making a difference. Yes?

Monica: Love it.

Marie Forleo: Yes. Well, Monica, please do keep us posted. You’re a Jersey girl and you know Jersey’s in the house right now. That makes me very happy. Just know that all of us here are sending you so much love and luck. You can absolutely do this and it’s going to be bigger and better and more joyful and more perfect than it ever could have been in the past.

Monica: Thank you so much.

Marie Forleo: You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for letting us contribute to your dreams and please do keep us posted.

Monica: Absolutely. Take care.

Marie Forleo: Bye. Aw.

Greg: Even the voice in the beginning was down here and here’s my story and this is what I wanted and now I’m like, “Whoa, I have options and have a new go at this!”

Marie Forleo: Yeah, it’s really interesting. It’s interesting for all of us, too, to have that experience of following our own energy. Sometimes when I’m talking to my friends, I’ll have them reflect to me or I’ll reflect to them. I’m like, “Did you hear yourself just say that? You just sounded like you’d rather be plucking your bikini line with a set of tweezers. This did not sound like fun,” and then they talk about something else. They’re like, “Oh my god!” And I’m like, “You’ve got to follow that joy and follow that energy. It’s a real indicator of your life force.”

So, there you have it. Thank you so much for joining us for this episode of the MarieTV Call In Show. Greg, thanks for being with me as always.

Greg: Thanks for having me, as always.

Marie Forleo: So, we’re curious, what’s the biggest insight you’re taking away from today? Leave a comment below and let us know now. As always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at the magical land of MarieForleo.com. So, go there and leave a comment now and while you’re there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider. You’re going to get instant access to an audio I created called How To Get Anything You Want. It’s so damn good and you’re going to get some exclusive content, special giveaways and personal updates from me that I just don’t share anywhere else. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world really does need that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and we’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

Greg: Toodles.

Marie Forleo: Hey, you having trouble bringing your dreams to life? Well, guess what? The problem isn’t you. It’s not that you’re not hardworking or intelligent or deserving. It’s that you haven’t yet installed the one key belief that will change it all. Everything Is Figureoutable. It’s my new book and it launches September 10th and you can order it now at EverythingIsFigureoutable.com

Yes.

Greg: Oh my god, we have 10 minutes left.

Marie Forleo: Here it is! My magic mic. Magic mic. Oh my god.

Greg: Because who run the world?

Marie Forleo: Girls!

Greg: Who run the world?

Marie Forleo: Girls!

Greg: Who run this mother?