To-Do List Out Of Control? How To Get Hyper-Focused

In this episode of MarieTV, we do have some adult language. So if you do have little ones around, grab your headphones now.

Marie Forleo: Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And this is the MarieTV Call-In Show and this is my friend Zach Bliss and we are here to hopefully offer some guidance and some insight to some of our beautiful folks in the audience with their questions. Are you ready to do this?

Zach Bliss: I am.

Marie Forleo: Let’s go.

Laura: Can you hear me?

Marie Forleo: Yay.

Zach Bliss: Yay.

Marie Forleo: Now, we can hear you.

Laura: Yay.

Marie Forleo: Who’s this?

Laura: This is Laura.

Marie Forleo: Hi Laura.

Zach Bliss: Hey Laura.

Marie Forleo: We are so excited to have you on the MarieTV Call-In Show.

Laura: Me too. Thank you.

Marie Forleo: So tell us your question and we’re here to give our best to help you out.

Laura: Great. So I’ve been in business part-time creating events for women that bring nature, lifestyle, and yoga together and I’ve been doing this for seven years. I’m currently working as a nanny and also a freelance math and chem tutor, while this business grows.

Recently I’ve had a lot of success amazingly and I’m really grateful for it. For example, this summer I’ll be leading four sold out… I’m going to start tearing up. Four sold out yoga and kayaking trips.

Marie Forleo: We’re confettiing. Congratulations.

Laura: And that was with the help of B-School. So thanks a lot.

Marie Forleo: Awesome Laura.

Laura: I feel so inspired to work more in my business and I feel a lot of momentum and I also feel tired and worn out by working as a nanny. I’m wondering if it’s the right time to take the leap and drop nannying and focus more on my business. What do you think?

Marie Forleo: Awesome question, Laura. As you know, this is something that many of us face at certain points in our career, especially when we’re doing our multi-passionate thing and we’ve got lots of jobs that are helping us stay afloat as we build our dream business. So you’re a B-Schooler, which is awesome and congratulations on your success. So there’s two things I want to remind you of. One, as we talk about a lot in B-School, it’s so important to me both on the show and in our programs that I am doing everything I can to give you the tools to know how to make great decisions for yourself. Right? Because neither myself or anyone out there has a crystal ball to be able to predict whether something is actually going to work. But what we do have is your inner wisdom and we do have tools and strategies to help you make the wisest decisions based on your circumstance, based on what’s happening in your life right now and where you want to go.

So first thing I want to notate for you is that once you get yourself in front of a laptop, again, please Google search, “Marie Forleo” and “how to make great decisions.” There’s an awesome MarieTV episode that gives you four tests to really help yourself be able to decide if this is the best time for you. And there’s some writing involved. There’s some different strategies that I want you to really deploy for yourself.

But the thing that I want to tell you is this, having the confidence to make that leap, to be able to drop your nannying job is really going to come down to two things: intuition and your financial numbers. Your comfort with how confident you are that you’ll be able to meet your financial responsibilities and obligations and continue to build your business. I can hear in your voice my love that it sounds like the nannying piece as you’ve told us is probably the thing that’s the most taxing in terms of your energy and in terms of your time. I love that you told us that you also do some tutoring as well, so it might be possible for you to keep the tutoring going, to have that cashflow coming in as your business is continuing to expand and then perhaps at some point in the very near future it’s just going to be all business all the time, which it sounds like that’s where your heart wants to go. Is that right?

Laura: Yeah, it is.

Marie Forleo: Great. When you tap into your body right now, I’m curious, when you imagine yourself letting go of the nanny position, what comes up for you in your body? Do you feel expansive? Even if it’s a little scary or does something in you feel like you have a pit in your stomach and it pulls back and says no.

Laura: So what I’m feeling is about 60% of me feels expansive and like, “Yeah.” And then about 40% of me feels a little contracted and scared.

Marie Forleo: Now if you dug into that a little deeper and just answer intuitively, is any of that around your connection to the family and to the child or the familiarity of doing that position for as long as you’ve done it?

Laura: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Okay, good. Because you strike me as someone who’s very big-hearted and especially in a position like that I would imagine not only is it about the income that you bring in, but there’s also a lot of beauty in the connection with the family and with the children. And what I would love you to do after we get off this call, that’s why I referred you to that MarieTV. Because I really want you to do some writing on paper and really peel this back for yourself because I’m clear, Laura, you’re on an upward trajectory. And what’s going to be so awesome for you in making this decision for yourself is taking the time to really parse through how you feel and your feelings and looking at the finances so that you make a wise decision based on the holistic picture and based on your real true feelings of who you are right now and where you want to go.

Here’s one thing I know about endings. They don’t have to be bad. Endings can be beautiful whether you’re wrapping up a position, whether you’re leaving a relationship, it’s like a romantic relationship or a friendship or anything like that. When we walk away from things so many times we can feel this deep sense of loss or potential regret, not knowing if we’re doing the right thing or wondering if we’re hurting people or leaving them in a lurch. But one thing I’ve learned over the years is that it’s so possible to have beautiful endings and it’s possible for you to do so with preparation and compassion and leaving the folks that you’re leaving in an even better position than they were when you first got with them.

Laura: Oh, I love that. Thank you for saying that.

Marie Forleo: You are so welcome. I could feel in my heart that at least a little bit of that 40% of the pit in your stomach and resistance is around that piece of it for you and just know you don’t have to rush anything. If you decide that it’s time for you to move on from this position, you don’t have to do it immediately. You can create a timeline that works for everyone, but it feels to me just out of hearing your voice and how you’ve described your situation, that you’re excited about this leap, and I do want to say this.

When I left all of my side jobs to run my business full time, I was terrified and excited at the same time. So I had looked at all my numbers. I knew it was time and I still felt this sense of sadness and fear because quite frankly, I really enjoyed working in restaurants and I loved bartending and I loved being with people and I also loved my career in dance and fitness. I loved my students. I love traveling. I loved teaching dance each and every week. And so there was a little bit of mourning that had to happen for closing down that chapter of my life. But when you know, you know. Again, those four tests in that MarieTV will really help you solidify for yourself if this is the right time. Then you just have to take a deep breath, have total faith that you’re moving in the right direction and trust, especially with B-School and your other community, we’ve got your back.

Laura: Thank you so much. And I love that you said something about going at my own pace and it doesn’t have to be an abrupt change that feels really comforting and doable.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Laura Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Sometimes in life we have to tear off that bandaid. There are certain situations where it’s actually wise to move fast and then other times you’re not weak if you want to go slower to have a transition. Sometimes that’s really the most beautiful, respectful, loving thing that you can do for all parties involved, including yourself. I feel like my friend Zach here, you know Zach from MarieTV, you want to say something. I can feel…

Zach Bliss: I can identify. I mean, there’s so many times when the hardest part of letting go of other things is not because you don’t like them, it’s because you love them so much, but they really are energetically taken away from your bigger goal.

Marie Forleo: Exactly. It’s time for you to move on.

Zach Bliss: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. So hopefully, Laura, this was helpful to you. We’ll be cheering you on and you have everything you need inside of you to make the wisest and best decision for you. Trust that.

Laura: Thank you so much.

Marie Forleo: You’re welcome and congrats on your success. Keep us posted, my love.

Laura: All right, I will.

Marie Forleo: Okay.

Laura: Bye.

Marie Forleo: Bye.

Ayelet: Hello.

Marie Forleo: Hi. Who’s this?

Ayelet: Hi. This is Ayelet.

Marie Forleo: Hi. Ayelet it’s Marie and Zach and the whole MarieTV crew.

Zach Bliss: Hello.

Ayelet: Hi, oh my goodness.

Zach Bliss: So good to hear your voice. Thank you for being on. Zach’s just throwing confetti at me and himself and we’re just having a party because you’re here. How can we help you, my love?

Ayelet: I can feel it. I’m actually like apropos to my question, I am getting in the car to drive all my children someplace. So I have a business and it’s going well. And then I had to scale back because I was like not able to keep everything going and I totally burned out. I have all of this stuff that I want to be able to accomplish and bring out into the world and I don’t know how to balance everything.

Marie Forleo: Yeah. Well first of all, I can feel your big heart in so many ways. I can feel your big heart as a mom. I can feel your big heart as someone who wants to contribute so much to others and someone who has incredible ideas on how to heal and help. So we love you for that. Couple of things that I’ll share is this is so common, this feeling of wanting to do it all but not having the bandwidth or the space or the understanding. You wish you had 48, 72 hours in a day rather than just 24. Many of us can relate. So a few things that I want to share that has helped me over the years. One is you very well may be able to do it all, just not at one time. So we all have different stages of our lives, right? And different seasons. And for you, I think what’s going to be so interesting is for you to perhaps do some journaling, do some meditating, do some thinking, carve out some space so that you can have some peace and quiet. And I know right now there’s a lot going on and that’s really cool. We’re going to talk right through it because this is real life. This is how it goes.

But my point is there’s a saying I live my life by and it helps me keep my sanity and it helps me stay on track and it helps me to feel that I’m doing my best work and I am doing so not under stress or duress or strain. And that idea is this: When you know what’s important, it’s a lot easier to ignore what’s not. So for you, getting super clear on what’s most important to you at this particular stage in your life, I think is going to help bring a sense of peace and clarity. You’re not going to be able, given the fact that you have a beautiful, growing family and that you have… You’re a mom of six, right?

Ayelet: I lost you for a sec.

Marie Forleo: Oh no, no worries. No worries. That’s just technology, yeah. You’re a mom of six. Yeah.

Ayelet: Yes.

Marie Forleo: Yes.

Ayelet: You can hear some of them in the background.

Marie Forleo: Exactly. You got a big, beautiful family and you’ve got a mission and you’ve just got a soul and a human being yourself to take care of. So here’s my assignment for you. Take some time, Ayelet, and write down, “if I could just focus on three things in my life right now, what would those three things be?” It might be your health, it might be being a great mom, and there might be one particular aspect of your business that you really want to nurture and focus on.

Businesses are like families all in of themselves, because there could be 10, 15, 20 projects that we want to make happen. Even I, who do not have six children, would not do that to myself in terms of my business. We focus on one thing at a time. It’s a little strategy I like to call “simplify to amplify.” Because when you’ve got so much chaos happening, it’s impossible to not only give your best to anything but to feel your best and to contribute, to actually enjoy the process. And I think that that’s one of the most important things. So I joke about it. My secret to getting it all done is actually that I don’t. There are times in my life, especially over the past six months or so, where typically I like to keep a pretty neat and tidy house, I like no dishes in the sink, I don’t want any dust bunnies rolling around. And my life has been such over the past six months that I just didn’t give a fuck.

Seriously, that house was going to get dirty as it was going to get and I was going to let myself off the hook from trying to be superwoman so I could focus on the true things that were important, which was my relationship and some creative projects. Any of this resonating for you, my love?

Ayelet: It is. It is, yeah. Because I found the parts of the success stories and yours in particular that I always find so inspiring are, like, you’ve said that you’ve you worked however many jobs to support yourself so that you could have the money for your… so that you could not be stressed about getting clients and through building your business. I just don’t have the bandwidth or the budget.

Marie Forleo: Yeah.

Ayelet: To delegate a lot of things at this point in my life or to to focus on earning a paycheck and working in my business and certainly not growing the business. It’s just so hard to… So it is resonating, the idea of being, being more focused on just three things.

Marie Forleo: Yes. Fewer things. And by the way, for all of us, we have really do have different seasons of our lives. Sometimes those are true seasons like winter and spring and summer and fall. Sometimes they’re a little bit of a longer season, like it might be several years. I know that even in my own personal life with Josh, you know, our lives looked much differently when my stepson was in grammar school versus when he was in high school versus when he was in college. So there are different seasons where you just behave differently because that’s what your beautiful life is calling you to do.

So I don’t want you to lose any of those big dreams. And it’s not that you can’t do it. I absolutely believe that you will, but I think you’re going to accomplish so much more and you’re going to feel so great about it if you relieve just some of that pressure from yourself and take a look at this full life that you have and decide what’s really important to me at this stage. And I bet, you this is what my gut saying, there’s probably a laundry list of things that you think you should be doing or accomplishing right now that you don’t have to. And if you focused on less, you’d actually feel more successful and you would get a lot more done.

Ayelet: Can I ask a follow up question to that?

Marie Forleo: Of course, yeah.

Ayelet: Once you say it like that way, I know what I need to focus on. I know which part of my business I need to focus on and it’s the part where I’m… It’s the workshop that I run for helping mothers who have had traumatic births. But then my question is if I get requests for… If I get inquiries about the other aspects of the business that I try to focus on earlier, do I say no?

Marie Forleo: Yes. Great followup question. So I want to tell you this, even from my own business and again, and I don’t have six children. So you and I are in different situations. I say no 99% more of the time than I say yes. There are people that ask me for private coaching. There are people that ask me to contract for certain things where there’s a lot of money involved. And I say no all the time. Why? Because I am living the same principle that I’m inviting you to explore for yourself. Simplify to amplify. When you know what’s important, it’s a lot easier to ignore what’s not. You can decline those invitations. You can refer out to someone else who may be able to take great care of them and you can do so with such a sense of love and grace and abundance because you know that we live in a truly abundant universe where those people will get taken care of and that you can stay focused on what brings you joy and what brings you peace and what allows you to contribute at the highest level.

Ayelet: I know you’re right. I know you’re right.

Marie Forleo: Yeah, it’s hard. It’s really hard for any of us to do because it’s challenging to say no because we live in a culture that, if you say no, then you’re turning things away and you feel like you’re saying either no to money or opportunities or growth, but I think that that’s really a scarcity-minded view on the world. When you really do know what’s important and you trust both yourself and the universe around you and you make those referrals, you know that folks are being taken care of and I promise you, you are going to grow not only in your joy but in your capacity to even handle more. It’s like going to the gym. You’re going to build up strength, they’re going to build up stamina, and then you’re going to see how much more you’re going to be able to do and the impact that you’ll make. Plus I can pretty much guarantee you’re going to earn more money in less time.

Ayelet: It resonates, Marie, it really does.

Marie Forleo: Well, we are sending you so much love. You are doing such good work. I’m here with Zach, who’s just about to be a first time dad by the time this airs.

Zach Bliss: I’m really happy that this came up today.

Marie Forleo: His beautiful baby may be here in the world, which we’re so excited about. So we are sending you so much love. Please keep us posted.

Zach Bliss: Yeah.

Marie Forleo: We’ll be here to support you.

Ayelet: I will. Thank you so much.

Marie Forleo: You’re welcome.

Zach Bliss: Thank you.

Marie Forleo: You’re welcome love. Well, that was some beautiful stuff today, Zach.

Zach Bliss: Really beautiful.

Marie Forleo: Thank you so much for being here.

Zach Bliss: Thank you. Thanks for touching the table.

Marie Forleo: And I’m going to touch my confetti and I want to thank you as always for watching. So I’m curious, out of our two callers today and all the things that we discussed, what resonated with you the most and why and most important, how can you turn that insight into action starting right now?

Now, as always, the best conversations happen over at the magical land of marieforleo.com. So head on over there and leave a comment now. While you’re there, if you’re not yet, please subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider. You’re going to get instant access to an audio I created called, How to Get Anything You Want. It’s really good. You’ll also get some exclusive content, special giveaways, and some personal updates from me that I don’t share anywhere else. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world really does need that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and we’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

Zach Bliss: I’d like to change my voice for this Call-In show. Okey dokes.

Marie Forleo: You’re great. As long as you… You look so handsome and you’re smiling. That’s what it’s about.

Zach Bliss: Dance, monkey, dance.