How To Keep Fear Of Criticism From Crushing You

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and a life that you love so much. And this is Q&A Tuesday. Today’s question comes from Anne Marie and she writes:

“Hi, Marie. I love your insight and coaching a ton.” Thank you. “Thanks for helping me so much already. As a singer-songwriter, I know what holds me back the most is fear of criticism. I’ve been a musician long enough to know that no matter how hard I try I will never have 100% approval rating, but in order to rise to the next level I have to face critics. My question is, how do I not let criticism crush me and make me feel worthless? Anne Marie.”

Oh, criticism. Crazy how scary just the thought of it can be, right? You know, this is a topic that never gets old and I don't think it’s ever going to go away because as long as there’s creativity there’ll be criticism of it. Now, we’ve covered this topic before and I do recommend that you check out these other episodes, but I’ve got more to say on the subject specifically to you. So today I wanna look through the lens of being criticized for your art and, in this case, your music. Now, this could apply to fine art, writing, sculpture, making friendship bracelets, you name it. Every creative person I know has their own method of dealing and I’ve got one that you can try. But before I share it, there’s three things that I want you to remember.

Number one, everything that you love is disliked by somebody. So whether it’s a movie or a book or a song or a person. And sometimes something that you love is vehemently disliked by hundreds or thousands or even millions of people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said I’ve loved a book or I love this TV show, and other people, smart people who I respect, think it sucks.

Number two, it’s a whole lot easier to critique a thing than it is to make a thing. Critics, whether amateur or professional, whether insulting or thoughtful, are not up on that stage singing their heart out day in and day out like you are. So before you give their opinion too much weight, do not forget to ask, “Oh yeah? What’s the last thing you made?”

Number three, you asked how do I not let criticism crush me and make me feel worthless? I need you to listen up here. Do not give anyone the power to make you feel worthless. Nobody. As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and there’s no place that this is more true than with criticism.

Now, here’s an exercise that I want you to try, Anne Marie. It’s called give your critics the mic. So not literally on the stage, but give them a voice on the page, meaning in your journal or on a legal pad or on a computer, wherever you like to write privately, I want you to go off on yourself. So write out the exact words you think it would crush you to hear. So what could anyone say about you that you would consider bad? Would they say you’ve got a weak voice, that you’re too old to be doing this, that your songs are just bubblegum pop, that you’re pitchy? Got that one from American Idol. Would they say you’re a wannabe Katy Perry or a poor man’s Stevie Nicks?

If you’ve already heard hurtful things, you can include those. Then take a deep breath in and out and read it to yourself. Or if you’ve got a creative soul mate who just gets it, you can read it aloud to them. Then, boom, the worst that anyone could say about you, you've already said. You’ve faced it. Now, I want to be clear. The point of this is not to trash your self esteem. It’s to bring your fears out into the light. Because when you do that, they lose all of their power. Just like the Boogeyman. That shadow in the corner you thought was a big, scary ghoul turns out to be a frickin’ coat rack.

Now, before we wrap there’s one more thing that I have to say about your art and what people think of it.

Make your music for you. You are not a software engineer that needs a piece of code to work for an end user. That kind of creator must listen to critics to improve her product. Art is different. You make art because you have to make art. Make art because your soul will implode if you don't. Make it because it brings you joy and exhilaration and transcendence. I know you’re doing this for a living, so I get that it matters what some people think because you need some people to pay you. But when you’re making your art, it has to be for you. Let’s finish this set with a tweetable.

If you make art, you’ll have critics. It’s easier to critique a thing than it is to make a thing. Or how about this one? Everything you love is disliked by somebody. That doesn't make it any less worth loving.

That was my A to your Q, Anne Marie. Give that exercise a try and let me know how it goes. Now I would love to hear from you, and we’ve got a two-parter today. So pick one or both. First up, if you can relate to Anne Marie’s fears give this “hand your critics the mic” exercise a try. You can do that privately or directly in the comments below. Second, whatever you do or make, how do you keep criticism or the fear of it from crushing you?

Now, as always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now.

Did you like this video? I really did. If you did, subscribe to our channel and I would be so grateful if you shared this with your friends. And if you want even more resources to create a business and life that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I only talk about in email, come on over to MarieForleo.com and be sure to sign up for email updates.

Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.