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Button TextBeing discerning with your time, energy and attention is a must in today’s overstretched and overcommitted world. The ability to say no, gracefully and honestly, in a wide variety of situations is one of the most powerful skills you can develop.
As Warren Buffett once said, "You've gotta keep control of your time and you can't unless you say no. You can't let people set your agenda in life.
"Even if you know you’re protecting the resources and people that are most important to you, saying no can still feel terrifying. Especially if you hate conflict or worry you’re missing out on future opportunities. If that’s you, know this:
The right words with the right motives can make all the difference.
How to Say No Without Ruining A Relationship
You may have heard the adage, “No is a complete sentence.” But let’s be real. Would you ever respond to a dear friend, family member or a colleague with a curt "no" and expect those relationships to grow? Not so much.
That’s why I’m excited for today’s episode. We’re covering an aspect of saying no that we haven’t explored before: how to say no to your boss, or anyone in a perceived position of influence or authority.
You’ll learn the two most common reasons to say no in this context and suggestions for how to do it right. This is crucial even if you’re an entrepreneur, because at some point you might find yourself in a collaborative project that requires you to say no while still moving the project ahead.
Plus, below this video you’ll get access to a free bonus download, The Ultimate Guide To Saying No: 19 word-for-word scripts to help you say no to just about anything — all with grace and compassion.
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It does this.
If I did the whole MarieTV like this, would anyone get sick?
Hey there, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love.
Now, today I want to talk about a tiny two-letter word that can trigger big time anxiety and fear in the hearts of many. You guys, y’all know what it is?
BO? FU? We? Us?
Commitmentphobe. No.
The answer is No, a very important word that can be both tough to say and hear. And add to that all this conflicting advice out there. Right? You’ve got this really powerful quote from Warren Buffet that says, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” And personally, I can kinda get behind that one.
But then you start reading Shonda Rhimes’s New York Times bestseller, The Year of Yes, and you start thinking to yourself, “Yes! Saying yes is so powerful. I need more yes in my life.” So then you start saying yes a lot more often. And, you know what? At some point overwhelm starts to kick in and then you remember the good, old classic:
“No is a complete sentence.”
Hey Jams, are you coming to my birthday party?
No.
What a dick!
Now, for the record, no is not a complete sentence. Not unless someone is attacking you or asking you to do something that is just outrageous or plain wrong.
But being able to say no when you need to and being able to do it with class and compassion, now that, my friends, is a powerful life skill. And that’s why we’ve covered a ton of no situations in these past MarieTV episodes right here.
But because we love you guys so much and it is so important to get this right, we’ve also created a brand new downloadable cheat sheet called “The Ultimate Guide to Saying No.”
Not only does it have links to all of our past episodes on this topic, but it also hands you some word for word scripts for how to say no gracefully and compassionately in a variety of situations. And you can download it for free on our blog right below this video.
But before you snag that, I want to talk about a situation that we haven’t covered until now. That is saying no to your boss. Now, I’ve seen this question come in a few times lately, and even if you don’t have a boss, I guarantee you, this will help you with anyone that you’re collaborating with or anyone who’s in a position of authority.
So how to say no here really depends on your reasons for saying no and the nuances do matter. So I’m gonna give you two of the most common reasons that you might need to say no to your boss and suggestions for how to do it right.
Now, reason number one is this: you don’t have the time. So let’s say that your boss is trying to add to your workload and it’s just too much given the timeframe. I mean, you know that something’s either gonna fall through the cracks or the quality of your work is just gonna go down the tubes. Your no might sound something like this:
“I hear how important this is. You know what I’d love? Can we take a look at my current priorities together? Because there’s a lot in motion right now and I want everything to be done right. So I’ll either have to press pause on other projects, or we’ll need to find someone else to take this on.”
Reason number two for saying no, you don’t agree with what’s being asked. So let’s say your boss is asking you to, I don’t know, implement a marketing strategy or a pricing strategy that you don’t think is gonna work. It’s not unethical, there’s nothing in that range, but you just don’t think it’s the best choice for your customers or your company. So your “no” might sound a little something like this.
“I don’t feel right about this strategy and I don’t think we should move ahead. Are you open to another perspective? I’d love to show you an alternative that I think will be way more effective and leave our customers happier.”
Now, remember, if you’re taking a strong stand against something, you need to explain why and have fact-based reasons to really prove your case. Plus, remember this, you’d better really have a well thought out alternative to propose, because you just can’t say no without offering something else to say yes to instead.
Now, as I shared earlier, you can get all these scripts and a whole lot more in our Ultimate Guide to Saying No. Because, here’s the deal: when you know how to say no with kindness and compassion, life just gets a whole lot better. And if you ever forget, remember this Tweetable:
“‘No’ might be a complete sentence, but a few more words can make it a kind one.”
Now I would love to hear from you. So answer one or both of these questions. So first up, when it comes to saying no, what specific situations do you find the most tricky and why? Is it saying no to your friends, is it saying no at work? Or, for many creatives, myself included, maybe it’s saying no to yourself. Second question, what area of your business or life would improve dramatically if you said no more often? You can answer one or both of those questions in the comments below.
Now, as always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at the magical land of MarieForleo.com, so head on over there and leave a comment now. And once you’re there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider. You’re gonna gain instant access to an awesome audio training I created called How To Get Anything You Want, and you’ll get some exclusive content, some special giveaways, and personal updates from me that I don’t share anywhere else.
Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because the world needs that very special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.
B-School is coming up. Want in? For more info and free training go to JoinBSchool.com.
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Okay.
19 Ways To Say No
As I said in the video, every situation comes with its own challenges. Nuance does matter, and that’s why I put together this downloadable guide for you. Inside you’ll learn:
- 19 different ways to say no with kindness and class (word-for-word scripts included).
- The most common situations that require boundaries with coworkers, friends or customers (and the best ways to handle them).
- 6 essential tips to saying no that you can adjust to any context or situation.
- How to never feel guilty about saying no ever again.
Download your bonus so you can put these tips to use right now:
If you’d like more MarieTVs related to the topic of saying no, check these out:
- How To Back Out Gracefully
- Saying No To Promoting Others With Honesty & Class
- How To Be Direct With A Business Partner: 4 Simple Steps
- Exactly What to Say to Late & No Show Customers
- How Making Less Choices Gives You More Freedom
Now, I’d love to hear from you.
In the comments below, answer one or both of these questions:
First, when it comes to saying no — what specific situation do you find the most challenging and why? Is it saying no to friends or saying no at work or, for many creatives, saying no to yourself?Second, what area of your business or life might improve dramatically if you said no more often?
In your comment, share as much detail as you can. Because thousands of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your story may be just what someone else needs to have a major breakthrough!
Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. may be removed.
Thank you so much for watching, sharing and spreading the word!
You continue to make this one of the brightest, most inspiring places online.
P.S. Know somebody who needs a nudge to say no more often? Give ‘em the courage and tools they need by sending them this episode.
With all my love and appreciation,
XO