How Do I Figure Out What I Want?

Mambo left, Mambo right. Do you know when I work out now that I actually start counting and instructing everyone around me? It’s so ingrained. Come on, push yourself. You got 10 more in you. I seriously cannot stop it. It just happens.

Hold up.

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo, and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. And this is Q&A Tuesday, and it’s a very special day. You know why? Because it’s Q&A Tuesday. Anyway, today’s question comes from Alison and she writes … I got to tell you something. I’m a little frisky today because I have a very special belt on, it’s like a She-Ra belt. I feel like a superhero. I don’t know if you could see this thing, but it’s got spikes and it’s amazing. Back to you.

Okay. Alison writes, “Hi Marie. I’m struggling to come into my own as an adult. I’m 30 and self-sufficient; however, I’ve yet to really flourish. I don’t have a career I love, a relationship or kids. The upside is I have a blank slate. The downside is I’m kind of freaking out. I know what I want, but it just ain’t happening. I’m afraid of getting clear because I’ve been disappointed so much in the past 10 years. How do we get clear about what we want, surrender to it and then apply ourselves? Please help a girl out. Love Alison, your sister from another Mister.”

Alison, this is a great question. I want you to know that millions of people around the world struggle with the same issue, so you are not alone. But the first thing I want to point out is there’s a contradiction in your question.

Danger. Danger.

First, you said, “I know what I want, but it just ain’t happening.” Then you said you’re afraid of getting clear and then you ask me for advice on how to get clear, surrender and apply yourself. Here’s the thing, Alison, I believe you do know what you want. And the reason I know that is because you said it and I quote, “I know what I want. It just ain’t happening.” You also said you’re not flourishing because you don’t have a career you love, a relationship or kids. Sounds to me like those are exactly the things that you want, but here’s the problem.

You’ve had so much disappointment over the past decade that you’re afraid to admit that you still want those things, because if you did, you would risk further rejection and failure and heartbreak. And rather than do that, you’re going to create a safe, new problem to get lost in called, “I don’t know what I want.” And for 99% of us, I don’t know what I want is total BS. Deep down, we all know what we want, we’re just afraid that either we’re not good enough to get it, or if we go for it and try, we’re going to fail or get rejected or somehow just not do it. And then we’re not going to be loved. And we’re going to look stupid and we’re going to fail.

As Lao Tzu says, and it’s a-tweetable, “At the center of your being, you have the answer. You know who you are and you know what you want.” So the first step to getting anything you want in life is to be honest about what that actually is. You’ve got to name it to claim it and Alison you’ve already done that, so great work. So the next step is to take action that’s consistent with what you want. So if you want to find a partner, you need to start going on some dates. And if you want more love in your life, you need to start being more loving right now. You want an awesome book on the subject, read, “Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep from Dating Yourself!” And it’s not just for the ladies. Getting what you want doesn’t always happen overnight, so you may hit some challenges or some roadblocks.

And when you do, that little voice is going to pop up in your head and it’s going to say, “Oh, maybe I can’t get this, or maybe this isn’t what I deserve. Or maybe I don’t really want this.” The true challenge here isn’t about getting clear on what you want, it’s owning that you are clear and being courageous and resilient enough to go after your dreams and make them a reality. Alison, that was my A to your Q. I hope it’s helpful and you’ve got to keep us posted on your journey. I know you can have everything you want in this life and more. Now, I’d love to hear from you. Do you ever get caught up in the “I don’t know what I want” trap because you’re afraid to really own your deepest desires and go after the thing that you really want?

Have you ever experienced something like Alison did? And what did you do? I want to hear your story. As always, the best stuff happens after the episode at marieforleo.com. So go there now and leave a comment. Did you like this video? If so, like it, subscribe to the channel and of course, share it with your friends. And if you want even more great resources to create a business and life you love plus personal insights from me, that I only put in email, come to marieforleo.com and subscribe for email updates. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams. The world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll see you next time on Marie TV.

Hey, Hey, RHH Live is coming up. Are you coming? Go to RHHlive.com for details. I don’t know what this motion is, but it feels really good. I’m crying, it’s so good. Is anyone going to see the good stuff?

Yeah, the belt.