What Getting Blown Off Says About You

I just got my teeth cleaned yesterday, brushing my teeth and water and air and it's an explosion of experience. It hurts a little and I like it. Josh goes to the same woman, so I guess we both like it.

Hey, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to beat to create a business and life you love. And today it's Q&A Tuesday, but get this, I have a question for you. Does this sound upset you? Crickets. The deafening silence that occurs when someone doesn't respond to our email, phone call or text or in some way fails to acknowledge that we exist. Maybe it's after a first date or a job interview or maybe you've reached out to a big shot in your industry. Basically any situation that has you asking ...

Bueller? Bueller?

We've all been there, right? Double and triple checking spam, asking our friend to text us to make sure there's nothing wrong with our phone. Basically wondering what's wrong with us? Why did that person not get back to us? Here's what being blown off really says about you. Nothing. Absolutely stinking, nothing. The hard truth you need to hear is this. The vast majority of the time when someone blows you off or they fail to acknowledge that you exist, most of the time it's not about you, really. One of my favorite books of all time is Don Miguel's classic, The Four Agreements.

And agreement number two is don't take anything personally. Now, when Don says anything, he actually means everything. Don't take praise personally, don't take criticism personally, don't take anything anyone says or does personally. Don't even take anything you say to yourself personally. Now that's both deep and confusing but helpful. So let me share a story from my own life as an example. So there was this team of people that I really wanted to work with. I read articles about them, watched interviews, and totally devoured their website.

So I built them up in my head as the people I had to work with. So I sent them an email and I was really hoping for a fast response. What happened? You guessed it. Finally a response came back, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. These guys were swamped. They had zero bandwidth and basically told me I had to wait two to three months. Two to three months. Immediately, I took that as some kind of personal rejection, like I wasn't big enough or cool enough to be worthy of their immediate attention.

So fast forward eight weeks and I could not get these people out of my mind, but I didn't want to seem like a needy little biatch. And in my head I was saying, well if they don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to them. Thank God the non egotistical part of myself piped up and said, Hey Marie, why not reach back out and check in? Maybe they really do want to work with you, but they were just swamped kind of like you often are. So I got over myself and sent them a short email checking back in. Hot damn, wouldn't you know it?

They got back to me within 20 minutes and they were super pumped and really thankful that I followed up. So my point is this, them being nonresponsive in the beginning had nothing to do with me. They were really swamped and they had less than zero bandwidth. It was not personal, like most things in life, and thank goodness I followed up. So the next time you feel insignificant, ignored or like nobody likes you, here are three things you should keep in mind. Number one, don't take anything personally. We gots to be down with some Toltec wisdom and yes, it's a tweetable.

"Taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness. It makes the assumption everything is about me." Preach. Don just took us to church. Most of the time people not responding has nothing to do with you. And if you tell the truth now more than ever, people are drowning in overwhelm. So don't make it about you and just realize all of us are doing the best we can at any given time and none of us are perfect at it. Number two, put the shoe on the other foot. Think about how many times you haven't gotten back to someone because maybe you straight up forgot, you were overwhelmed.

Maybe you didn't have an answer for them and it started to take some time and it just slipped through the cracks or maybe you didn't answer them for so long and the guilt snowballed. Or what about this? Maybe you never got the communication in the first place. Number three, follow up nicely. A friendly followup is often really appreciated. Here's the thing, don't make the person wrong for not getting back to you in the first place. Don't say, I sent an email, but I never heard back from you. Do say, "Hey there, just a friendly followup. I know you're really busy and this email may have slipped off your radar."

Being kind and compassionate and understanding in your followup really goes a long way. Now before we wrap this up, I know some of you are thinking, but Marie, sometimes it is personal. I mean all of us have gotten long, crazy, inappropriate and sometimes downright annoying voicemails and emails. Now if you suspect that you need to improve your communication skills, go for it. But since you are a smarty pants MarieTV viewer, I'm going to make the assumption that you are not sending stuff out like that. So for our purposes, don't take anything personally is completely on point.

So now I want to turn it over to you and this week we have a two part challenge. So first off, for the next 48 hours, I want us all to challenge ourselves not to take anything personally.

Marie, you suck.

That's your problem. Not the good stuff and certainly not the bad stuff. Now I know this is easier said than done, but it's a really important muscle to build, especially if you're up to big things in the world. Second, what's one example where you took something personally only to later find out that the crazy drama you made up in your head was totally not true? Tell me about it in the comments below. As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at marieforleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now. Did you like this video?

I certainly did. If you liked it, subscribe and share it with all of your friends. And if you want even more awesome resources to create a business and life that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I only share in email, get those sweet buns over to marieforleo.com and sign up for email updates. Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I'll catch you next time on MarieTV.

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That's what I call shushing. Where's my hammer? Because I nailed it. All up in here. Should come in and have me fart in her hand. I'm not silly enough. Everybody really likes you naked jams. And a lot of the women said, I wish I had that kind of distraction in my life.