Is Your Business a Homewrecker? Three Steps To Save Your Marriage

Are we on yet? Hey, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching Marie TV, the place to be to create a business and life you love. This is Q&A Tuesday. Today's question comes from Vanessa, and she writes, "Hi Marie, I love your show and everything you do. As a matter of fact, I made my 14-year-old daughter read Make Every Man Want You because I wish I knew all that stuff when I was her age. You should have seen her face when I handed her a copy of the book." You go, mama.

"Here's my situation. I started my own business in 2011. It hasn't taken off as fast as I expected, but I am not giving up. My husband doesn't really believe it will ever happen and I feel his confidence in me is a key pillar of my success. I work full time, teach fitness twice a week, go to school online and I have two kids. I feel like I'm having an affair when I'm working on my business during the little time I have left. The guilt remarks never end." So my cue, "how do you bring your spouse on board to see the big picture when things are not moving as fast as expected?"

Vanessa, this is an awesome question that so many of us can relate to, but listen up y'all, because what I'm about to share with Vanessa is specific to her relationship. However, just because I'm talking in heterosexual married terms does not mean that you can't find ways to apply this insight to your relationship, whatever that looks like for you. Mamas and Papas watching with your little ones, this episode does contain some mature content, so please use your discretion or your headphones.

All right, here's the deal. When your spouse isn't on board with your business, the first place you got to look is in the mirror because you want to see what part you're playing in the fact that he's not totally on board. Now, I know in relationships it takes two to tango and, of course, your husband has his part to play as well. However, in this lifetime, the only person that we have control over is ourselves, so that's the place we got to start.

I sense from your tone that you really love your husband and your family, and that's fantastic. Now, the great news here is that there are three simple but highly effective steps that you can take to get your spouse on board with your big dreams. Step number one, make him your number one priority. When your man doesn't feel like he's your number one priority, the relationship begins to deteriorate. Now, here's the thing. You can't just say he's your number one priority, you have to really demonstrate it and you have to walk the talk. Most importantly, he has to feel it.

How do you do that? Verbally, appreciate him daily. Take a look around and catch him doing something awesome and then articulate that. Tell him he's your hero. Now, I know many women may hear this and get their panties in a bunch and they, "He doesn't do that for me." Doesn't matter, you need to go first. As with any relationship, if you want to change it, you have to take responsibility, take charge and make it happen. Can it really be this simple? Yes, but it takes effort consistently. Which brings me to step number two, which is all about consistency.

Step number two, blow his mind regularly. Vanessa, as a woman, you know that there are certain things you can do to blow his mind. You have to make it your job to blow his mind. If you haven't been blowing his mind that much lately, I can pretty much guarantee that the lack of mind blowing is definitely a contributing factor to your husband not being 100% supportive of your business. So do something about it. I mean, in a committed relationship, sex is healing. I know this because Marvin Gaye told me so.

Bottom line, and yes, it's a tweetable. If your husband's not impressed with your business, make it your job to blow his mind.

Step number three, get and stay on the same page. One of the first places that I go when I'm trying to help someone grow their business is I ask them about their vision. What exactly are they trying to create and why? In other words, what does success look like to them? 99% of the time when I ask someone this question, they look like a deer in headlights because they've never really taken the time to clearly articulate their big vision. Chances are you may not have articulated your big vision to yourself or, more importantly, to your husband.

Look, your husband is not a mind reader, and even if you have your big plans all up in your head, if you haven't fully articulated this to your husband and, more importantly, made sure that he got it, he probably feels in the dark. So here's your assignment, clearly articulate your big business vision. What does your business look like in a year, in two years, in five? What do you expect it to earn, best case scenario and worst case scenario? What is it going to take in terms of your daily and weekly time to make it a success? What kind of financial commitment will it take from you and your family? What's the timeline and what's your plan B if things don't work out, and when do you pivot to it?

The point is to lay everything out in writing so it's not some big dream in your head, but it's actually a concrete plan and you're including him in the process. Then you want to get his feedback, see what he feels about all this, get his questions, his concerns, really listen to everything he has to say, and make sure as your business journey continues that you keep communicating about your progress and your frustration so he does not have to wonder. This is going to be really good for you, guys. It'll keep you connected and it'll keep you from feeling like your business is your secret part-time lover.

While these steps aren't exhaustive, they will help tremendously, Vanessa. Thank you so much for that cue. I loved airing it and, hopefully, you're going to get some great results, so keep us posted. Now I'd love to hear from you. Have you ever felt unsupported by your spouse for your big vision? What steps did you take to get them on board? I would love to hear your story and your experience. As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at marieforleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now.

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It's in everywhere. It's been all of ... It's everywhere. Yeah, I knew that. [inaudible 00:07:25] Mani's [inaudible 00:07:29], Mani's Cafe. I've been having cravings for Cinnabons.