Here’s a power “experiment” you can use right now that I guarantee will have a profound and positive impact on your relationships.

It has to do with a section in my book, Make Every Man Want You, that talks about how your judgments about men influence the way they behave around you.

(If you have my book and want a refresher…go to page 108. If you don’t have the book and want to start reading now, click here.)

Let me ask you a question…

Have you ever been in a check-out line, wishing it would go faster and thinking to yourself, “Gosh, this check out girl is REALLY slow. I wish she would get her act together and get moving!”

Or, during a conversation, you’re thinking, “Would he just get to the point already??? I don’t have all day!”

If you’ve ever experienced these type of “judgmental thoughts”, you’re not alone.

You see, what most of us don’t realize is that our “thoughts” impact the behavior of people around us.

Here’s what I mean…

Whether you’re aware of it or not, people can feel your judgments about them.

If you think someone is slow, stupid, incompetent or lazy - your “thoughts” have an impact on that person’s behavior.

It’s as though you “energetically nudge” them to behave in the way you’re judging them in your mind.

People who you think are slow will become slower. People who are taking a while to make their point take LONGER.

Without realizing it, when you act smug and righteous about how incompetent, lazy or stupid someone is, YOU are playing a part in the matter.

It’s as though what you “expect” to experience with someone has an ability to “bend reality” in that direction.

There are countless scientific studies in the field of social psychology about this very topic called “social facilitation.”

And, in the self-help world, it’s often referred to as the “observer effect”.

But without getting all technical, I’m more interested in you seeing the evidence in YOUR OWN life.

For example…

Have you ever walked into a room where you “just knew” you were being judged?

What happened? Did you find it hard to “be yourself”?

Or have you ever been tongue-tied around people who were “sizing you up”?

I know I have.

So here’s the point…

One of the biggest mistakes that we all make when it comes to winning in relationships (and life) is that, without even knowing it, we may be “bringing out” the very behavior in others that we say we don’t like.

By not being AWARE of the judgments we’re “imposing” on the people around us, we’re missing a big piece of the “how to be successful in relationships” puzzle.

The problem is that most of us don’t have the feedback or support systems in place to even become aware of those judgments because it’s nearly impossible to see them all on your own.

Why? Because your most deadly judgments are often invisible to you.

They’re such a part of how you “perceive the world” that, despite how much of a negative impact they have, they’re normal to you.

One sign is if you seem to have relationship “challenges” over and over again - but you’re not sure why.

(If you suspect you’ve got some old “judgments” in there influencing people around you in a negative way and want to transform it, sign up for coaching by submitting an application here.)

So here’s the experiment I want you to try:

Over the next few days, NOTICE the thoughts in your mind about people around you. Are you silently judging others and then talking with yourself about how “right” you are?

Whenever you catch yourself “energetically nudging” someone in a not-so-nice way, say, “Oh, look at that,” and re-direct your attention to simply being with that person.

For example…

Are your kids typically lazy? What would happen if you stopped “holding” them in that energetic pattern? What if you could see them newly without the “lazy” label?

If you really want to have some fun, rather than getting impatient or upset, see if you can look at the people around you with compassion and send them “energetic encouragement” without no attachment to the outcome.

So if the person taking your order at Starbucks seems overwhelmed, send them relaxed and “you’re doing great” vibes.

I think you’ll be more than pleased with the results…

Thanks for reading and have an excellent week!

With love,
Marie

P.S. Many of you have been writing in and asking about coaching. There will be a rate increase in 2008 so, if you’ve been thinking of working with me, now is the time to lock in the 2007 rates!

Learn more about coaching here.